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Transitioning back to work after lockdown

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Staying mentally healthy as the country begins going back into workplaces.

Life as we knew it has changed and our reality is very different today than it was 100+ days ago. Many of us were in various stages of lockdown for extended periods of time. and even as many of the initial restrictions were lifted , many have still remained and will remain for the foreseeable future.

As we begin to emerge from what felt like hibernation for many, we are all to aware that life is very different and things will never go back to the way they were.

As we start to return to work, and our children return to school there is a lot to think about. Lockdown has affected us all in different ways, and it is normal to feel uncertain about what the future holds.

Many people feel confused, worried and apprehensive about going back to the workplace and even more feel anxious about sending children back to school. Amid this worry there is also the harsh realisation that indefinite lockdown is not sustainable and life still needs to carry on.

Organisations are considering a range of adjustments to the way work is done, to comply with government recommendations. These adjustments will depend on your job, and your individual circumstances.

Everyone’s situation is unique. However, as you  return to work, there are some general principles that will give you the best chance of getting back to work and staying mentally healthy over the coming months.

 

Talk and connect

It is important to keep in touch with colleagues and your line manager. You don’t need to talk about work, but a quick check-in will help you feel connected. We have all been impacted by the coronavirus in different ways. You may have been bereaved, felt overwhelmed or isolated, or been unwell. If you share this with others they will be better able to help you in the months ahead.

Plan and prepare

Think about your job and your situation. Does anything need to change to help you do your job well? If you haven’t been told what to expect, ask what provisions have been made to create a safe work environment. It can be helpful to think through what will happen on the first day back:

  • How will you get to work?
  • Will anything be different as you enter the building?
  • Who will be there?
  • Will you need to do things differently to get your job done?
  • Are you on a rotation schedule?

Have a return-to-work conversation with your line manager

If you have not received a return-to-work briefing from your line manager ask for one.

This is a chance to identify your work priorities and raise any concerns or questions that you have. If you have something important you want to talk about, make a note of it for when you have a briefing or perhaps drop your manager and email with your concerns. This is an unprecedented time for all of us and we are all trying to figure things out as we go along. NO one person has all the answers so raise your concerns and ask your questions – chances are you are not the only one who has the same concern.

Try not to panic and slip into a paranoid space

Take things one step at a time

The way we all work is likely to keep changing in the coming weeks and months so we will need to keep adjusting. Don’t expect everything to quickly return to normal. The life you knew and were familiar with prior to lockdown is gone and will very likely never return. We have a long journey ahead. We may never be able to go back to our old ways of working so this could give us an opportunity to do things very differently, and even better. Look out for yourself, look out for others and take one day at a time.

Monitor and review how you are getting on

It is important to have regular check-ins with yourself (How am I coping? Could I do more to help stay mentally healthy?) and check-ins with your team members and manager (How are we working? Is there anything we could do differently to work better together?). This way you can address issues as they come up and start to plan and prepare for the journey through COVID-19 together.

Be mindful of those who may have been directedly affected or infected by this virus. Be supportive and check-in if a team member has had to deal with the illness or loss of a family member due to COVID-19. many of those in  essential services have has to deal with unimaginable conditions from and emotional and psychological perspective. Many of them have brought these  traumas home and family have had to deal as best they could. so be gentle and be kind with those who are struggling you may not know what they have has to deal with on the home front.

Finally

Everyone is finding their own path and things might not always go to plan. It is important to be kind to yourself and to be kind to others as we all find our way. Returning to work is not always easy, but having support can make a huge difference. If you are finding it difficult, ask a trusted colleague or friend to help you work through the questions and identify some concrete actions that you, or they, can take to help you.

What is an Ideal Self and How to achieve it?

Who is your hero?  ‘I thought about it and answered…”it’s me in ten years time”. Ten years late I was asked the same question by the same person Who is your hero? ‘Again I thought about it and answered…”it’s me in ten years time” – Mathew McConaughey

What Exactly is an Ideal Self?

An ideal self is an ideal future version of “you” that encompasses your personality, beliefs, values, and behaviour under various conditions. It can be summarized in the following way:

My ideal self is who I want to become… the best version of myself in every situation.

The “ideal you” is, therefore “you”. However it is not the person you are today, but rather the person you are striving to become tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, and so on.

This ideal self is not a state of perfection; it is not a fixed destination or a finished product. In fact, it is far from it. This ideal self is constantly evolving and changing, and as such is somewhat elusive in nature.

Your ideal self should always be several steps ahead of who you are today. When you do become that ideal version of yourself at some point in the future, the ideal version of “you” at that point should have changed. Therefore you should still be in pursuit of this ideal self.

This is, an important progression because it leads to healthy growth and development. It is also the process of continuous improvement.

If one day you were to catch up to your ideal self, that is possibly the day when life would lose all meaning. When there is nothing greater to strive for, and with no new challenge on the horizon you would end up in a state of stagnation from that point onwards. There would be no motivation to grow or to improve yourself and as a result, life would become perfect for you. That, of course, does not sound so bad, right? Well…It is not so good either. It is not good because reaching a state of perfection leads to boredom, restlessness, and a less than satisfying life.

All this, sounds quite counter-intuitive. Becoming everything you have ever wanted to be sounds like bliss. And yes you would be right. It would be as if all your dreams had come true. You are however, not that person today. It is the journey towards becoming that future person that will bring you fulfilment. It is, therefore, not the destination but rather the steps you take to get to that destination that makes life incredibly fulfilling, enjoyable and fun. Moreover, it is the process of learning, growth, and development along that journey that makes life truly worth living.

Given all this, it is quite clear to see why our ideal-self must be elusive in nature. It must change over time because you are  recreating yourself daily through your choices, decisions, and actions. Every thought you indulge in leads to a decision, which leads to an action. These actions form the habits and rules you live by and that shape your future life and behaviour. In fact, every experience you have changes you in some way. These changes might be slight, however, these always impact the kind of person you are striving to become (your ideal-self).Many small changes over a period of time will lead to big changes towards  the vision you have for your future self.

Your ideal-self, of course, encompasses the many roles you fulfil. You might be a parent, a sibling, a teacher, a sports coach, a leader, an employee or employer. Within every one of these roles there exists an “ideal you”. You might, be striving to become better at any one of these. As a result, you are working towards this ideal version of who you would like to one day become, and this helps keep you growing and developing yourself in that role. This is true for any role you fulfil.

Our growth and development in each role is the fuel that keeps pushing us forward through every decision we make and action we take. As long as these ideal versions of ourselves are somewhat out of reach, we will keep striving and pushing forward. This ideal version of you is what fuels your motivation.

This is all good-and-well , however, at times we end up walking along the wrong path because we succumb to other people’s expectations. These people shape how they would like us to be within the specific roles we fulfil. This, of course, might not be such a bad thing. Sometimes we just don’t have enough clarity to understand how we can grow and develop ourselves within a specific role. However, at times giving into other people’s expectations can lead us down a less than optimal path.

The key is to take on board what is helpful and allow that to shape your ideal self. Everything we take on board we  must make our own. In this way will we fully accept what we need to do to bridge the gap between where we are and where we desire to be.

Take a moment to decide if…

You know exactly who You are…

You accept who you are right now…

You seek to become a better version of yourself…

You commit yourself to growth and development…

When you know who you are today (your self-image), and when you fully accept this person, that is when you can commit yourself to becoming a better version of yourself, which of course comes through the process of growth and development.

That, in a nutshell, is what  the ideal-self is all about. It is about striving to become the very best version of yourself within every role you fulfil.

So what if you are not sure? What if you don’t quite have the clarity you need to bring that ideal- self to life?

Well, that is what the following four-step process to help you consciously begin shaping your ideal-self is for.

Often we desire to be better at certain roles and/or areas of our lives, however, we never quite take the time to clarify what “being better” actually means to us.

We tend to be vague about the things we would like to improve upon. Therefore, we never truly build enough momentum to carry us forward to this desired destination.

Avoid falling into this trap by going through a four-step process that will help you shape your self-ideal the same it helped me – with purposeful intention. These steps are designed to help you lay down a path from where you are [your current self] to where you desire to be [your ideal self], thereby bridging the gap between the two.

Step 1: Analysis of Your Current and Ideal Self

Your first task is to get to know yourself at a deep level. Yes, this means warts and all. It means acknowledging parts of yourself that you are pleased with and being honest about parts of yourself that tend not to live up to your personal standards and/or expectations. Ask yourself the following questions:

What do I value most about myself?

What would I like to leave unchanged moving forward?

What don’t I like about my current behaviour?

What aspects of myself would I like to alter?

There will naturally be parts of yourself that you are quite happy with and would not want to change, however, there will be other parts where you see room for growth and improvement.

Think about situations where you face adversity, conflict, making mistakes and dealing with difficult emotions. These are challenging situations that may or may not bring out the best in you. Consider these situations and ask yourself:

How do I typically handle adversity?

How do I respond when I make mistakes?

How do I tend to handle conflict?

How do I deal with difficult emotions?

Reflect on “how you are” in these situations and consider how you might be able to improve in these areas. Your answers to these questions will  lay down the foundations for your ideal-self.

Now, let’s take a look at that ideal-self by exploring the kind of person that you would like to become. Consider your answers to the previous questions, then take a moment to step out of who you are and project yourself into the future.

See and Feel the Ideal You then ask yourself:

What kind of person am I?

What standards do I like to uphold?

What do I believe about myself?

Here you are building a picture of “you”. This is not who you are now, but rather someone who you would Ideally like to become in the future.

Now consider breaking this down even further by completing the following statements:

I want to be a person who is…

I want to be a person who keeps…

I want to be a person who lives…

I want to be a person who doesn’t…

I want to be a person who solves…

Going through each of these statements will provide you with a much clearer picture of the kind of person you envision yourself becoming in the future. Now your task is to simply follow through with making these positive changes.

The only thing mission now is WHY?

Why is it important to make these changes?

In order to make change stick, you must have a “good reason” to make this change in the first place. There must be enough motivation for you to change, or otherwise, your efforts will be fleeting. What is Your WHY?

Was this helpful ? Please leave a comment I would love to hear from you.

Are you stuck in “Perfectionism” Trap

 

from perfection to passion

Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough. – Julia Cameron

Perfectionism… “To be, or not to be?” That is, the ultimate question! There are certainly arguments for and against it. Those who support perfectionism may tell you that it is a measure of attention to detail and thoroughness when getting tasks done. It’s all about achieving those higher standards that give them the edge in a competitive environment.

This view implies that perfectionism is a form of excellence where you strive to perform at the highest possible level.

Is it really about striving for excellence?

You will discover, that perfectionism is certainly not all it is cracked up to be. In fact, it can be as debilitating as it can be helpful; and when it is mismanaged it can potentially sabotage all your good intentions. Why? Because [as I discovered] perfectionism is something that is built upon fear, inflexible rules, and unreasonable standards that have absolutely no basis in reality.

Before breaking down these details, let us look at what perfectionism actually means.

To be a perfectionist means being overly concerned with personal achievement. Everything needs to be done perfectly or otherwise you simply can not move forward. This often stems from the notion of all-or-nothing thinking, where things are either perfect or things are  just not good enough.

When we step into this all-or-nothing space our life stagnates and we are unable to move forward as we need to because we have created in our mind a set of unreasonable and often lofty expectations.

Perfectionists persistently pressure themselves to reach these unachievable objectives, often to their own personal detriment, without ever realizing that perfectionism is in constant flux. It is based purely on interpretation. The reality is that what is perfect for one person is far from perfect for another person.  Additionally, what is perfect today will often be far from perfect tomorrow. The more we learn about something, the more we  realize how much we actually don’t know.

Therefore the question becomes does perfectionism actually exist? I have come to realise that it does not. It is a misnomer that we fool ourselves into believing more often than we may care to acknowledge. 🙂

You might be thinking that perfectionism is all about  going out there and doing your best in every situation. This is a valid argument – Doing our very best and trying to live up to the highest of standards can certainly be of tremendous value, however, there is a healthy and an unhealthy way to go about this.

Those who do their very best and strive for excellence do so from a place of empowerment. These people have a high level of self-worthself-esteem, and self-confidence in their own ability to get things done at the highest of levels. This behaviour is healthy because these people come from a place of yearning for growth and development. It is this behaviour that helps them perform at the highest level.

The flip side of this coin however, is the unhealthy form of perfectionism. People who succumb to this do so from a place of fear that often translates into procrastination. They engage in the act of perfectionism as a means of avoiding something they fear, and as a result, they succumb to bouts of anxiety or/ and procrastination.

This often manifests in inflexible thinking, self-criticismperformance anxiety, and guilt. The underlying factor here is, these people have very low levels of self-esteem. They just don’t believe they are good enough and therefore operate from a sense of failure, which impairs their personal growth, productivity, and performance.

In an attempt to make up for all these shortcomings, they set the highest possible standards for themselves thinking that striving for perfection will help ease their fears. This strategy almost never works because the underlying problem still exists.

A lack of self-esteem means that you are constantly comparing Yourself and your performance to others. From the outside this can seem competitive, but this competitive spirit often comes from a place of weakness and vulnerability. There is a consistent need for reassurance  and as a result, they are quite vulnerable to  criticism and rejection.

They become so engrossed in the act of doing things perfectly that “making progress” and “forward thinking” take a back-seat to the idea that “things are just not good enough”. As a result they don’t take any meaningful action towards the attainment of their goals and objectives, and they remain stuck. Unable to move forward and unable to break free, they engross themselves even further into a world of unrealistic expectations and unreasonable standards that can never be met. All this is a direct result of their inability to handle fear.

The Evolution of Perfectionism

Now that we understand how perfectionism manifests in our lives, let us  take a look at how it evolves over a lifetime. There are numerous influential forces that can make a person prone to falling victim to bouts of perfectionism. For starters, there is our temperament we are born which becomes less of a factor as we age and undergo social conditioning.

Growing up you might have received unusually high levels of praise from your parents, guardians and/or peers. As a result, you now have very high expectations of yourself and rather inflexible beliefs in certain areas of your life, which can manifest in perfectionistic behaviour. On the flip-side, there might have been an absence of praise while you were growing up in which case you would gravitate towards perfectionistic types of behaviour in an attempt to make-up for your perceived shortcomings. This is a way of proving to other people that you are deserving of higher praise.

Being overly punished for making mistakes while growing up can also trigger perfectionistic behaviour. As a result of these mistakes, you feel  you are just not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, etc. Today, you strive to avoid experiencing this pain by doing things perfectly to avoid punishment/pain that you still believe will result.

Being overly dependent upon receiving rewards from other people can also lead to perfectionistic behaviour. While growing up you might have consistently been rewarded for completing certain tasks and activities to a set of standards that your parents or others set for you. As a result, you have been conditioned to receive rewards when completing a task to the highest possible level. You now, indulge in perfectionism in order to keep receiving those rewards. Those rewards have probably changed quite significantly since you were a child, however, the expectation of getting something in return, even if it is just praise, is enough to keep your perfectionistic indulgence alive.

The Maintenance of Perfectionism

We can relate to these examples at some level however, what these examples do not explain is WHY, throughout our adult lives, we continue to indulge in perfectionism.

The underlying reasons why perfectionism might still be prevalent in your adult life, has to do with these three core factors: fearsunhelpful thoughts, and rules which work together to satisfy your hunger for perfectionism.

Fears

Your inability to deal with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of making mistakes and even the fear of success can all lead you down the path towards perfectionism.

You indulge in perfectionism because fear breeds uncertainty and when things are uncertain this creates doubt. When there is doubt you procrastinate, instead of avoiding the task altogether, as most procrastinators tend to do, you try to trick yourself into believing that you are actually making progress. You do this by completely absorbing yourself into an easy part of the task that you feel comfortable with. You convince yourself that you cannot move onto the next part of the task unless this first part is done perfectly. This is, of course, a ploy you use to distract yourself from the fact that you just can not bear dealing with the fear that is waiting for you.

For example, let’s say that you have a presentation to do which you have been putting off for weeks. You convince yourself that you are not ready and spend all your time preparing for the presentation; making sure that everything is perfect. Of course, this is a ploy you use to avoid the FEAR you experience when you think about actually delivering this presentation. You are afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone and therefore indulge in perfectionism to help ease the tension and uneasiness you feel.

Unhelpful Thoughts

Your unhelpful thoughts that lead you astray. Your fears actually stem from these unhelpful thoughts you indulge in. These thoughts hinder how you view the events and circumstances of your life. As a result, you tend to make inaccurate assumptions about how things are and about how they could end up being, if you follow-through with a specific kind of action.

You might, assume that if you make a mistake while giving the presentation that people will judge you. This, of course, triggers the fear of failure or criticism. You now believe you need to do everything in your power to try and avoid this. This means that you will continue to plan and prepare your presentation in order to delay the inevitable moment for as long as possible.

These are only two examples of the types of unhealthy thought patterns that could be letting you down. There are of course others but you get the point.

Psychological Rules

Your inflexible rules. These rules are of course interlinked with your unhelpful thoughts and fears. In fact, there is very little separation as all these components work together to lead you down the path towards perfectionism.

When it comes down to the reluctance you feel about giving your presentation, your rules could be :

I can’t move forward unless I am able to find the right graphics for this presentation.

I must conduct thorough research for the topic in order to impress my boss.

I should spend more time on preparing myself in order to avoid making mistakes.

All of these rules that you have created for yourself keep you within a perfectionist cycle. It is a “cycle” because even if you find the right graphics for this presentation, there will be yet another excuse that will keep you stuck.

The Formation of Unreasonable Standards

The above three factors come together to form your personal standards and the expectations you bring to every situation. Your personal standards are guidelines you use to measure your success. These guiding principles of behaviour help direct what you focus on and how you end up focusing on things.

These affect the choices and decisions you make when it comes to indulging in perfectionistic behaviour. Take into consideration the personal standards you have set for yourself in an area of your life where you tend to indulge in perfectionism and ask yourself:

Are my personal standards in this situation 

 – realistic?

 – achievable?

 – flexible?

What problems tend to result from indulging in these high standards?

How does this affect

  • me?
  • the situation?
  • my life?

Answering these questions will hopefully begin to break down the walls that form the belief systems you have supporting this kind of behaviour.

Was this useful? Leave a comment and let me know how you have dealt with Perfectionism. Stay tuned for the next article which will cover How to Beat Perfectionism.

Self Confidence

HOW TO BOOST YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE

 

Self Confidence

 

Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy. – Brian Tracy

What it Means to Have Self-Confidence

To have self-confidence means being able to fully accept oneself and others. It also means being free from self-doubt, and having the necessary self-belief and self-assurance to follow through with desired actions and intentions without falling into the trap of indecision or hesitation.

To have self-confidence means not defining your personal value or self-worth on outside sources such as people and outcomes. Self-confidence is  something that comes from within each of us. It comes from a place of “knowing”.

It is not something that you try to do or be, but rather something that you just “are”. It is something that you just  accept wholeheartedly. It is part of you and you are a part of it, and that is why it is called Self-Confidence.

I am not saying that you cannot develop self-confidence. You can most certainly boost your levels of confidence, however, it doesn’t really become part of you until and unless you become one with it.

I can, pretend to be confident, but that is not self-confidence. Pretending to be self confident and acting as if I am confident still comes with doubt and hesitation. When I become “one” with what I am doing and fully let go of the fear of making mistakes, succumbing failure or anything else that frightens me, that is when I begin developing actual self-confidence.

Anyone can decide to feel confident, but a feeling of confidence is fleeting and it often depends on what is happening outside of you. While things are going well you will feel confident, however, if things are not going so well,  that confidence will quickly fade.

As such, true self-confidence cannot be a feeling, it must instead be a part of who you are no matter what is happening around you. For example, imagine undertaking a task you have never done before and saying to yourself one of the following two statements:

I’m feeling confident…

I have self-confidence…

Now, answer, which of these two statements is the more powerful statement? Most people would say that the second statement is the more powerful statement because “to have” something is much more powerful and permanent than simply  “to feel” something. Within this example lies the key to help you develop true and lasting self-confidence.

 

Self-Confidence is Very Much Like a Muscle

Developing self-confidence is not always easy and it does take time. The good news is that it is much like a muscle that you work on at the gym. Imagine for instance doing bicep curls at the gym. Your goal is to develop muscle growth, however, you will fail to achieve muscle growth if you make any of the following assumptions:

  • Expect that your muscles will grow significantly after one or two sessions.
  • Expect that you will achieve muscle growth by lifting very light weights.
  • Expect that you will attain muscle growth by working out inconsistently.

We all realize that these are flawed ways of thinking about muscle growth when it comes to working out at the gym. Your bicep muscles will only grow significantly after several weeks, months and years of training. Only when you keep increasing the intensity as you improve and consistently commit yourself to working out for an extended period of time, will you finally see the results you are looking for. We can of course throw in the importance of rest, nutrition, and other factors into the mix, but for the most part, that is how you grow your muscles.

Similarly, that is also how you develop your self-confidence.

Your level of confidence is just like any muscle in the body. It only grows stronger when you use and develop it by taking action towards a goal, over time. Breaking through your fears; gaining new experiences; and daily self-acceptance and self-love are what is going to build self-confidence.

You can only develop self-confidence when you fully accept yourself and cultivate self-love.  Without these, self-confidence cannot grow and become a part of you.

The sad fact is that most people never fully accept themselves, and that is where their problems lie. Without self-acceptance, they just do not have enough faith in themselves to follow through with their actions. They just do not trust themselves to get the job done. Without faith and trust, there is no real self-love and by extension without these elements in place, true self-confidence cannot exist.

Often times these people will try to “fake it to make it” and pretend to feel confident in order to overcome a fear or get through a difficult situation, but this seldom works; why…because they make the same three mistakes.

They expect:

  •  their confidence will improve significantly after a couple of tries.
  • to see a big boost in their confidence by doing small things that never take them too far outside their comfort zone.
  • that working on their confidence occasionally by making small changes which really doesn’t take too much out of them will create lasting change.

These tactics do not work for developing your bicep muscle, and they certainly will not work when trying to develop your self-confidence. I am not saying that we can’t develop confidence by taking small steps. Small steps in the right direction will help and is a good strategy. However, it is  a bit like lifting those tiny weights and never increasing the resistance. Without additional resistance, the muscle is not being put under enough strain in order to grow.

Likewise, without pushing yourself beyond what feels comfortable into the realm of discomfort, your confidence will also not grow. This is of course where  we do need to be completely honest with ourselves about whether we are ready to make the changes necessary to build self -confidence. Telling ourselves and others that we want to; is only the first small step. Being ready and willing to actually make the changes is of course a very different conversation. We must be willing to get very uncomfortable in order to begin boosting our confidence levels.

The Self-Confidence Self-Analysis Process

Before delving into methods to help you develop true self-confidence, it is important to  understand  where your starting point is, when it comes to your current level of confidence in areas that matter most.

First and probably most important of all, it is important to fully accept where you are currently in your life. Take time to acknowledge your fears and insecurities and how they are preventing you from moving forward.

Ask yourself:

What insecurities do I have about various aspects of my life?

What fears are holding me back in these areas?

Fully accepting your answers to these questions will help to pave the way forward for positive change.

Your next step is to acknowledge areas of your life where you feel confident. These are your greatest areas of strength and accomplishment.

Ask yourself:

Where do I feel most confidence?

What am I good at doing?

What’s something worthwhile that I have accomplished?

How does all this make me feel?

Your answers to these questions will help you to get a sense of what true self-confidence feels like.

The next step will be to transfer the self-confidence you have in these areas of your life into areas where you are lacking in confidence. How? by doing more of what you do to make you feel confident.

Your final step is to acknowledge some of the goals you would like to accomplish but can’t at the moment because you’re lacking in self-confidence.

Ask yourself:

Which area in my life specifically would I like to be more confident in?

What specifically would I like to be more confident with? Specify the time, place and situation. Perhaps create some SMART goals

How exactly do I want to be in this area of my life?

Why is all this important? Why do I want this so badly?

What will having self-confidence in this area of my life allow me to do?

Notice I did not mention “feeling confident” above. Feeling confidence can certainly be a first step towards having self-confidence, however, most people never get beyond that “feeling” in the areas that matter most.

This is a barrier you must cross if you desire to accomplish your goals.

Having acknowledged the areas of your life where you would like to feel more confident, will help you to know and recognize the obstacles that are likely to prevent you from moving forward towards being confident.

Ask yourself:

What obstacles could I likely face along this journey?

What specifically will these obstacles prevent me from doing?

How will I handle these obstacles when they arise?

Many people struggle with identifying obstacles because obstacles are scary. These are often elements that we would rather not face, yet many of these obstacles are inevitable. Sooner or later these will show up in your life, and if you are not ready and able to deal with them, you will slide right back into the confines of your comfort zone.

Acknowledging what obstacles you are likely to face can be overwhelming and can potentially weaken any sense of confidence you originally had when you set your goal(s). However, we can very easily shift perspectives and look at obstacles differently by taking the time to understand potential obstacles you might face can help boost your levels of confidence as long as you develop a plan on how to overcome them.

The act of “having a plan” in place to successfully move beyond obstacles will help you develop a deeper sense of confidence. This is by no means “self-confidence” as there is still plenty of hesitation and doubt, but you are making progress in the right direction. having a plan to deal with obstacles also allows us to be mentally prepared for any potential setbacks or hurdles which could scupper our progress. When you have a plan you are prepared and therefore not caught off guard and you know exactly what to do to navigate the hurdles.

Shifting Perspective About the Obstacles You Face

It is important to acknowledge above all else that self-confidence is a state-of-mind. It is not something you do, but rather something you “are”. It is a mindset you bring into every situation, and that is what makes all the difference.

When you are self-confident you naturally see failure, rejection, criticism, embarrassment, uncomfortable change or a mistake you made in a very different light compared to the person who does not have that same level of self-confidence. This difference in how you think makes all the difference in how you handle situations.

For most people, these kinds of circumstances are difficult to face.

It is very easy to get down on ourselves when facing failure, criticism, and rejection for instance. Just the very thought of these circumstances immediately makes people cringe and their confidence quickly plummets. Why? because their confidence comes from a “feeling” rather than a sense of “being”. They feel confident only when circumstances are favorable. However, the moment things change and they face adversity, they panic and as a result, their confidence level sinks.

The key to developing self-confidence is to begin progressively shifting how you see/perceive these circumstances. You can either choose to see things more favourably than the more unfavourably, however, the choice is always yours to make.

So how do people who have a tremendous amount of self-confidence perceive failure, rejection, embarrassment, fear, criticism,  uncomfortable change and making mistakes? How do they consistently play out these circumstances in their mind? Well, let’s take a look.

A Perspective for Failure

People who are highly of self-confident see failure as an inevitable part of life. They understand that the more risks they take the more likely the chances of failure are. Simultaneously though, they also appreciate that the more risks equal higher probability of success and they are okay with that. They realize that failure is simply a part of success. In fact, they see failure as nothing more but a stepping stone to success because every failed attempt provides feedback. They use this feedback to make better choices and decisions in the future. That is why their self-confidence never fades.

For a comprehensive analysis of what it means to fail, please read Understanding Failure and Overcoming Failure.

A Perspective for Making Mistakes

People who have high levels of self-confidence see each mistake as an opportunity to learn and grow. They do not see failure as a person affront or an attack but rather they view failure as a learning opportunity. They learn about what worked and what didn’t work; what played out as expected and what did not. This allows them to make the necessary tweaks and improvements which will lead them to success in future attempts.

They use this knowledge and information to do better the next time around. In fact, they see that the more mistakes they make the more wisdom comes from experience and the insight they into what works and what does not work. The more they “know of” what doesn’t work, the better their odds of success are the next time around. That is the way they see mistakes, which is why their self-confidence does not waver when mistakes are made.

For a comprehensive analysis of what to do when mistakes are made, please read Learning from Mistakes.

A Perspective for Facing Rejection

People who have high levels of self-confidence never take rejection personally. They understand that rejection can often result from a misunderstanding of some kind. Clear up the misunderstanding and that by itself can clear up the rejection. However, they also do recognize that at times other people simply have differing beliefs, values, and opinions, and as a result, they will never look favorably upon them or their opinions. That’s just how life is. People are different and that’s what makes us unique in our own right. They accept that this is a fact and just move onto the next person who could have more similar values, beliefs, and opinions, and that is why their self-confidence never wavers.

For a comprehensive analysis of how to handle rejection, please read Understanding Rejection and Handling Rejection.

 

A Perspective for Facing Criticism

People who have high levels of self-confidence clearly understand the value of criticism. They accept that every piece of criticism provides them with valuable feedback that they use to better themselves; to better their ideas; or to better their approach. Even when criticism does not come across as constructive, they still take it on board and try and use it to create positive changes in their lives.

They also realize that some people’s criticism has nothing to do with them but rather everything to do with the other person. The other person might just be feeling angry or frustrated; maybe they had a bad day, or maybe they are envious of them for some reason. Often people will throw harsh criticism at others because they either do not quite understand or they are just struggling with their own self-esteem issues.

Self-confident people understand this, and that is why their self-confidence never wavers.

For a comprehensive analysis on how to face criticism, please read How to Handle Criticism.

A Perspective for Dealing with Fear

People who have high levels of self-confidence understand that fear exists primarily because of uncertainty. Anything new that they have not done before will always bring with it a little uncertainty, and with uncertainty comes fear.

However, they are not phased by fear because they recognize that feeling fear signifies that they need to be more focused and patient. They must take their time to practice and gain the necessary experience to turn what was once “uncertain” into something more certain. And that, of course, comes with the experience of gaining new skills, knowledge, support and/or the tools that are required to help them move through this uncertain situation successfully. They challenge their fear head-on and watch it disintegrate over time. That is why their self-confidence never wavers.

For a comprehensive analysis on how to deal with fear, please read Understanding FearConquering FearOvercoming Fear and Eliminating Fear. These titles may sound similar but each article tackles fear from a different perspective.

A Perspective for Handling Embarrassment

People who have high levels of self-confidence aren’t phased by embarrassment. They understand that the fear of embarrassment is simply an extension of the fear of failure and the fear of making mistakes. Those two fears are simply outcroppings of the fear of criticism and the fear of rejection. The result, of course, comes in the form of embarrassment and not wanting to do something because one of these fears is prevalent in one’s life. They clearly understand that feeling embarrassed is all in the eye of the beholder. What one person finds embarrassing, another person will revel in. They overcome this fear by absolutely “owning” everything they do no matter how poorly they do it at first. These people also acknowledge that they are human and they are perfectly imperfect. That is why their self-confidence never wavers.

For a comprehensive analysis on how to get over the fear of embarrassment, please read Overcoming Embarrassment.

A Perspective for Dealing with Uncomfortable Change

People who have high levels of self-confidence see unexpected change as a natural part of life. Just like the seasons change every year, these people understand that life also goes through ebbs and flows throughout a lifetime. They accept these changes and adapt to them accordingly. In fact, often they revel in these changes because they clearly understand that an unwanted change can often bring unexpected benefits and new opportunities that would ordinarily not have occured.That is why their confidence never wavers.

For a comprehensive analysis on how to deal with both expected and unexpected change, please read How to Embrace Change and The Seasons of Transformation.

How to Construct Your Self-Confidence

Let’s now take a look at some guidelines to help you purposefully construct your self-confidence in the days, weeks and months ahead. Some of the suggestions that follow are quite straightforward. However, don’t let that fool you into thinking that you tried this before and it doesn’t work. The key to success is “consistency”. Doing something once or even once in a while will not get you results. It is a commitment to consistent action that will get you the results you desire in your life.

Find Mentors and Role Models

It is said that you are the average of your five closest friends. Therefore if your five closest friends consistently experience low levels of self-confidence, then it is very likely that you also experience the same. The longer you hang around these people the more likely your levels of confidence are likely to plummet. You either raise other people up to a higher level, or they will pull you down to their level.

Given this, it is absolutely critical that we regularly associate with people who will raise our levels of confidence in various situations. I am talking about people who are energetic, upbeat, passionate and inspiring. People who seem naturally confident and capable in any situation, and who will do nothing but encourage you during the toughest of times. Those are the people you need to be around to get a sense of what having self-confidence actually feels like.

However, when it comes to finding mentors and role models it is also important to look outside of your social circle, and turn to books, movies and/or documentaries for guidance and inspiration. Read about how people overcame life’s greatest adversities and get a sense of how they surmounted their lack of self-confidence. It is these real-life stories that will give you a sense of what it takes to rise above all the things that at the moment give you jitters. But reading about these people is one thing; it is a whole step-up when you begin modeling their behavior, decisions, and actions.

Consistently Model of Confident People

Everything in life follows a set of patterns. From the planets to the moon, to the seasons, to the migration of animals, and to the behaviours of human beings. From the largest to the tiniest objects within the universe; absolutely everything follows a very specific pattern. This is good for all of us, especially for those who want to improve their self-confidence. Why? Because self-confidence can be modelled and practiced.

Your peers, mentors and role models who have the self-confidence you are wanting to instil within yourself, are lived out through daily patterns. Their daily patterns are reflected in the way they sit, behave, dress, talk, think, walk, interact with others, and even how they spend their time. Within each one of their actions they “ooze” self-confidence, and that is exactly what you need to bottle-up and drink for yourself.

Have a think about all the people with high levels of self-confidence and ask yourself:

How does this person behave in various situations?

How do they tend to talk even when dealing with uncertainty or when handling pressure?

How do they typically walk? What is their energy and vibe like when they walk?

How do they tend to sit? What is particularly striking about this? What insights can I gather?

How do they interact with others especially when dealing with conflict and other social pressures?

How do they typically dress? What does their style of dress say about them?

How do they tend to spend their time?

How do they think and reflect on their circumstances?

What is empowering about all this?

What do they typically believe about themselves, others and their circumstances?

What skills are they good at?

Why, specifically, are they proficient at these skills? 

 

What additional patterns of behavior can I see that might be of value to help me better understand what it takes to have self-confidence?

Taking the time to answer these questions will provide you with surprising insights about what it takes to “have” self-confidence”. The key then, of course, will be to use this information to make small adjustments in the way you live your life.

 

Ask yourself:

How can I begin modeling these people even in a small way at first?

How can I use this information to help improve my own self-confidence?

For instance, you can begin by dressing the part of a person with self-confidence. Immediately your self-image will improve and as a result, the confidence you have in yourself will expand. Remember, it is all about taking small progressive steps. Do not try to model everything at once.

Start with one thing first until you develop a habit, and then move onto the next thing. With consistent effort, what you started out consciously modeling will eventually become second nature.

For a comprehensive analysis of what it takes to model another person’s behavior, please read Modeling Successful People. Moreover, you might like to gain some practice by Modeling Richard Branson’s Mindset.

Improve Your Physiology

One critical area to work on to help you develop self-confidence rests within your physiology. I have already discussed in detail the link between physiology and our mindset in the Physiology of Excellence article so I won’t go into too much detail here.

However, it is important to point out that how you move your body, how you walk, how you sit and how you breath all have an impact on how you think about the events and circumstances of your life. If you take a little time to compare the physiology of a person with self-confidence and a person without it, you will find that they use their body very differently. In fact, it is worlds apart.

A person who has self-confidence will move faster, breathe more deeply, walk and sit more upright, etc, than a person lacking in confidence who will often move sluggishly, breathe in a shallow manner and sit slouching over. These are all key factors that influence how both these people experience reality. Making adjustments in any one of these areas will immediately transform how you see the world and the circumstances of your life.

Be Curious and Adventurous

People who are self-confident are very curious and adventurous. They are willing to try new things and step outside their comfort zone to expand their horizons. Moreover, they accept the fact that by trying new things they will make mistakes. And all this is okay because they have an adventurous spirit.

Being adventurous is not easy for the person who has close ties to his/her comfort zone. Adventure always begins with a curious mind, and therefore cultivating curiosity is certainly a great place to start.

Curiosity is what will encourage you to step outside your comfort zone, to take risks and chances. It is the one thing that will open your mind to new possibilities and perspectives. Curiosity begins with the act of asking effective questions. The more questions you ask about what exists outside of your comfort zone, the more curious you will become. And with more curiosity, you will naturally develop a more adventurous spirit, which is, of course, a requirement for developing self-confidence.

Set Achievable Goals

In order to stretch your comfort zone and follow your adventurous spirit, you will need to set some achievable goals that are just beyond your comfort zone. These goals should be challenging but reachable with a little work and some discomfort.

Goals are important because these will help you live with a deeper sense of purpose while also keeping you focused and motivated on what is most important. However, effective goals are set using either The GROW Model method or the SMART Goal Setting method. Either style of goal setting can be of value to help you get the results you desire to create in your life.

Always Encourage Others

One very simple and overlooked way to develop your self-confidence comes through encouraging others in times of difficulty. When you encourage others you boost their levels of self-belief and self-confidence. They have someone who supports and believes in them, and that goes a long way towards helping them break down barriers they struggle to move through by themselves.

All this is helpful for you because through the simple act of encouraging others you begin to feel better about yourself. Moreover, people will very often give back to you what you gifted to them. They will encourage you in return, and you now you have someone in your corner who supports you through thick and thin.

That by itself can do wonders to help you develop self-confidence. However, you must be wary not to rely on others in this way for the long-term because they might not always be there for you. You must instead internalize that self-confidence and draw it out of from within. More about that in the self-confidence mindset.

Improve Ability to Solve Problems

One sure way to improve your self-confidence is to become a better problem solver. We often struggle with our self-confidence because of our inability to solve problems. Unfortunately, this is something that we cannot escape from because the sad truth is that problems are simply a part of life. In fact, life is full of endless problems. And your ability to solve those problems essentially determines the quality of life you live.

It is therefore absolutely paramount that you work on developing your ability to solve problems creatively and even commit yourself to using specific models such as the six thinking hats method for solving problems. With practice, what you will find is that your self-confidence will naturally grow from “within” every time you successfully solve one of your life’s  dilemmas. 🙂

Unlocking a Self-Confidence Mindset

Earlier in the article, I mentioned that there is a major difference between “feeling” confident and “being” self-confident. And that “difference” essentially comes down to our mindset.

A person who is feeling confident only feels that way because of how things are externally. The moment circumstances change, their feeling will likewise change and their confidence levels will subsequently be affected.

On the other hand, when someone is self-confident this means that their confidence comes from within themselves. The events and circumstances going on around them are irrelevant.

Therefore, no matter how things change in the external world, their confidence remains at the same level because they gauge their confidence from internal sources. This comes down to “mindset”.

It is the mindset that these people bring into every situation that makes all the difference. Bringing a very specific mindset into a situation influences the decisions one makes and the actions one takes in that particular situation. Therefore a “mindset” in this context is not only about how you think or perceive a situation, it also encompasses how you behave and act in that situation as a result of your thoughts and perspectives.

Let us now take a look at the mindset of self-confidence in a little more detail by breaking down all the relevant components that go into shaping it.

The Qualities of Self-Confidence

When thinking about the individual components of self-confidence, what typically comes to mind?

Maybe

passion or curiosity?

courage and gratitude?

self-discipline, patience, and determination?

Self-confidence is made up of these parts working together as a unit. Therefore in order to develop more self-confidence, it is important to focus on growing yourself in each of these areas. The more you grow and develop yourself in each area, the higher your levels of self-confidence grow.

 

Here is a quick break down of the value of each area:

  • Passion is required to keep you focused and motivated on the highest value activities. It fuels your self-confidence.
  • Curiosity is required to help you gain the insights you need to work through problems successfully.
  • Courage is required to help you face your fears head-on, giving you the self-confidence you need to overcome your problems.
  • Gratitude is required to help you see the blessings in every problem and situation.
  • Self-Discipline is required to help you stay focused and on target for extended periods at a time even when things might not seem to be working in your favour.
  • Patience is required because to have self-confidence you must be willing and able to grow from each experience. Self-confidence only comes through experience, and for that, you need ample patience.
  • Determination is required to help you persist through the difficulties you will inevitably face.

Using Empowering Language

Self-confidence is about how we think about our lives and circumstances, it is also how we tend to talk to ourselves about our lives and circumstances. Those people who are self-confident use empowering language that helps them break down barriers that stop other people in their tracks. But it is not just about the words they speak, it is also about how they express those words and the power of their language that makes all the difference.

Expecting Positive Outcomes

One of the primary differences between a person with self-confidence and a person without it comes down to having positive expectations. A person who has high levels of self-confidence always expects the best. Yes, things will go wrong at times. In fact, Murphy’s Law may come into play time-and-again, however, this does not change their demeanour. They clearly understand that every problem presents an opportunity. It is a blessing in disguise, and they, therefore, look for the positive outcome in every situation, and that is what gives them the confidence to keep moving forward.

Asking Solution-Focused Questions

This, of course, comes back to cultivating curiosity and having the willingness and courage to ask solution focused questions that move you towards your desired outcome. What this habit actually helps you avoid doing is making excuses.

When you ask solution focused questions you cannot make excuses. You are instead looking for answers and potential opportunities that you could take advantage of. That is what is required to develop high levels of self-confidence, because the more questions you ask the better answers you will get and the more you will know what to do the next time around. This will improve your levels of self-confidence.

Challenging Limiting Beliefs

We all have at some level limiting beliefs about certain aspects of our lives. However, self-confidence requires that we consistently challenge these limiting beliefs whenever possible. If you fail to do this then you will lack the necessary self-confidence you are searching for because your limiting beliefs will always get in your way.

These limiting beliefs will sabotage you time-and-again because they are in conflict with your desired actions. Self-confidence simply cannot exist unless and until you eliminate these limiting beliefs from your life. If you ignore this fact, then you will constantly struggle with self-sabotaging forces controlling your life.

Cultivating Laughter and Humour

Laughter and humour are very important for self-confidence because along our journey through life we will undoubtedly face a great many struggles. For most people, the struggles are a burden. Emotionally they struggle to handle these problems and as a result their self-confidence plummets but it doesn’t have to be this way.

People who have self-confidence face problems that they are unable to solve all the time. Typically this would deplete their self-confidence, right? If I can’t solve something I am obviously not feeling very confident about it. But if I laugh about it or find the humour in the situation, then just maybe I can start seeing the situation from a very different perspective. I no longer see myself as a “victim” of circumstance, but rather I see the situation as something I can potentially control because it doesn’t affect me emotionally. And the fact that I mm laughing about it relaxes me and this immediately frees my brain to search for answers.

Upgrading Personal Standards

People who have high levels of self-confidence set very high standards for themselves. Their high standards encourage them to think and act in a way that goes above and beyond how normal people would think and act in typical situations.

These people expect more from themselves in every situation, and because they expect more they are naturally more confident that they can get the job done. Confidence comes from reaching those personal standards, which is why they don’t set standards that are beyond what they are capable of.

They instead set achievable standards and then raise the bar over time and as they gain more experience and confidence. That is one of the key ways to grow your self-confidence over time.

Avoid Self-Confidence Depleting Habits

Self-criticism, procrastination, perfectionism, dwelling on failure and mistakes… all of these things will immediately deplete your levels of self-confidence, which is why people with high levels of self-confidence never dabble in these habits. In fact, they avoid these habits like a plague because they fully understand the negative impact these can have.

Criticizing yourself goes against the habit of curiosity and using humour and empowering language. Dwelling on failure and mistakes go against the habit of gratitude and asking solution-focused questions. Indulging in procrastination goes against the act of setting higher standards.

Perfectionism, this is a form of “patience”, however, it is also a form of procrastination that hides fear and indecision, which certainly does not mesh very well with self-confidence.

Ultimately, you have a choice. You can either choose to indulge in habits that deplete your levels of self-confidence, or you can choose alternate habits that will over time raise your levels of self-confidence. And that choice, of course, is yours to make, so choose wisely by asking:

Is this habit I have chosen for myself building up or tearing down my level of self-confidence?

 

Did you gain value from this article? Please leave a comment I would love to hear form you?  🙂

job search

5 important ways to get through job loss quickly

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Job search

I have Coached Over 200 Career Transitions — Here is A Routine That Helps People Bounce Back Faster

Losing your job takes a serious toll on your confidence and stirs up all kinds of unpleasant emotions.

Realistically though, it is likely that we’re going to face some kind of job loss or significant job change at one point or another in our careers.  Sometimes this change reaches far beyond the scope of our individual control and comes as a surprise to us. The best we can do is be prepared to manage this adversity and take some time to focus on ourselves. I’ve worked through over 200 career transitions over the years – including a couple of my own (most have been my clients’).  Self-care is critical to successfully getting through this time.  Here are five ways I practiced self-care after I was laid off — and I think you should try this routine, too

  1. I paused.

Losing your job can often be a big shock to your system.  Sometimes we know our organization is going through significant changes, but sometimes the change comes as a complete surprise.  Whatever the case, when the change impacts you personally, it can really hurt and take a toll on your confidence.

Depending on who we are and how we react to things, we might become emotional as we react to the news. The best advice I can give here is to take a breath.  If your employer is presenting you with a severance package, make sure you DO NOT sign anything in the heat of the moment. Take some time to  review the severance package offer after you get over the initial shock factor that will inevitably happen.

Reach out to a friend or colleague that you trust and get their input. Lean on your support system and let your feelings out in this safe environment. You don’t want to be embarrassed by emotional, irrational behavior in front of your former employer. Save the insanity for close family and friends (lucky them).

For me, the pause was critical because getting laid off was a very emotional experience. Taking time to breathe allowed me to have a rational and professional discussion with my employer about severance.

 

  1. I resolved the outstanding issues with my employer, A.S.A.P.

After the ‘pause’, it might still take you a few days to get your emotions back in check. Once you can get through thinking and discussing your new situation  without bursting into tears or fuming in anger, set your sites on closing the loop on outstanding items with your employer.

 

For your own mental health, you’ve got to get the details resolved as quickly as possible. Having the details of a severance looming over you for days, weeks or months is simply exhausting. You owe it to yourself to get closure so you can move on.

In most cases, your employer should appreciate that this is an emotional situation and provide an appropriate deadline (a week or so) for you to get back to them on their offer of severance. If they don’t give you some time to get your act together, count your blessings that you no longer work for them.

So, you have done your due diligence in terms of reviewing the details and terms of the severance offer, now you need to respond to them. I always suggest having this conversation via email so everything is documented. Avoid the phone if you can it can muddy the waters. You also don’t know what might set off potential emotional outbursts. Make sure you get all of the details from your employer such as how and when the severance will be paid, what happens to your benefits, what happens to any sort of other company programs and any additional amounts owing. Get all the information that you can to minimize any need for follow up contact. You likely won’t want to talk to them again.

 

  1. I didn’t try to find out why I was laid off.

I have heard people say time and time again that they need to understand why they have lost their job in order to move on. They want to know what they have done wrong, or how the employer decided that they should be the employee to exit.

The fact is, a lot of time, the reason that an employer provides a severance package for you is so that they don’t have to share this information with you. Quite frankly, it might even be none of your business, and part of some broader organizational plan.

For me, adopting an ‘I don’t need to know’ attitude was the key to self-care when I was laid off.  What value is there in knowing the organization’s point of view, anyways?  Would it really change the current situation? Probably not. If anything it would only serve to inflate your anger and frustration levels. So take time to  make peace with the reality that you are out the door and see it as an opportunity rather than a set back.

 

  1. I got into a routine.

I allowed myself some time to mourn the loss of my job. This is an important step many people seem to forget to do or chose not to do. Loosing a job is much like loosing a loved and the  lose needs to be mourned. For me, this was the end of the longest-term relationship I had ever had. Grieving was important, but I set myself a deadline to be sad. I cried and moped, but only for a week. At the end of the week, I started into a routine.

It was summer and I wanted to take advantage of the time away from work and focus on the positives of being away from work. I got up every single morning and planned an outing with my little guy. Every day we were up and dressed. You’d be surprised how therapeutic getting up and going outside can be.

Getting into a new routine is critical to your career transition success. Part of establishing this routine was knowing what I would say when people asked ‘How’s work?’ I actually practiced my response so I could answer confidently without stumbling or feeling insecure.

 

  1. I set an unemployment deadline.

While I only allowed myself a week to be sad about losing my job we all know the grieving process has no hard and fast deadline. The reality is that, sometimes, we have to work through the emotions of things , and that can take a while.  While I wasn’t sitting at home and moping, I was still going through all the feelings of job loss.  I wanted some time and space between that job and my next one.  Since I was laid off in the summer, I set myself a deadline of autumn (fall) to get on a structured job hunt. Setting parameters and clear goals for myself were really key parts of my self-care and managing my overall mental health.

Job loss is hard. Period. There is no magic formula to work through the grieving process and there are no standard timelines. When it comes to self-care and job loss, you’ve got to take a moment to reflect what will work for you.  Focus on those things that give you comfort, structure and a sense of purpose. It’s inside those things that you will find a transition process that is uniquely yours. On the other side of that transition is your future career success.

Limiting Beliefs

How to Identify Your Limiting Beliefs

I have had so many amazing responses from a previous post on Limiting beliefs I though it might be useful to add to this theme by also giving some thought to How to Identify your Limiting beliefs. I really hope this provides as much help and insight as the previous post on limiting beliefs did.

Limiting Beliefs
What do I believe about myself?

To change anything, you must first identify it.

It’s important to stay relevant.

We all have tons of limiting beliefs, but the truth is that many of these really do not affect our lives in any significant way so are pretty irrelevant.

The limiting beliefs that are going to have the greatest impact on our lives however are the ones that we need to deal with and replace with new beliefs.

Once you have dealt with the beliefs that have the greatest impact  on your life you can work on those that have a less significant impact.

Part of moving forward is focusing on the most important issues in your life.

Remember to keep that in mind as you go through the process of discovering your limiting beliefs:

Start by making a list of the areas in your life where you feel challenged.

If you have an area of your life that displeases you and you are not actively doing something to repair it, then there is a fairly good chance that you have a limiting belief lurking. We can assume that if that were not the case; would it not make sense that you would just fix the issue or change the situation? Do you need some help making a decision why not do a really quick assessment using the Wheel of Life Tool

Very often Your behavior is an indicator of your beliefs.

Consider how you’re doing in the following areas:

  • Finances. Are you feeling financial pressure in your life? Do you have all the things you need or really want? How much money do you have in savings? Do you have the income you desire? Is that income secure?
  • Relationships. Are your relationships satisfying and fulling? Do you feel the connection you want to feel in your relationships?
  •  Consider your intimate relationship as well as your relationships with your family, friends, and co-workers.
  • Health. Are you taking good care of yourself? How is your weight? Do you go to the doctor regularly for check-ups?
  • Fun & Adventure. Are you doing the things you really want to do? Do you dream of going overseas but haven’t been yet? Do you want to learn to play the guitar but never have?
  • Any other aspect of your life in which you’re experiencing dissatisfaction. Think about any other areas of your life where you’re less than satisfied. If you’re not pleased with your life, a limiting belief could be the cause.

 

# Identify the beliefs that are contributing to your challenges.

Make a list of all of your beliefs, good and bad, regarding the challenges you identified above.

Don’t attempt to filter them as positive or negative while carrying out this process — just get them all listed as you brainstorm and examine them later.

Here’s a short example around money:

  • I’ll never be wealthy.
  • Rich people are dishonest.
  • I will never have enough money to have a nice house.
  • If I’m rich, people will try to steal from me.
  • My friends will treat me differently if I have a lot of money.

Can you see why it would be difficult to make a lot of money if you believe these things?

# Identify the beliefs that are holding you back.

Think about which beliefs are having the greatest negative impact on your life.

One way to do this is to consider how your behavior would change if that belief were eliminated from your life.

Don’t just guess which beliefs are the most damaging.

Genuinely examine them and consider the change that your life would experience if you weren’t held back by that belief.

 

# Put those negative beliefs in order.

Start with the limiting belief that you feel is creating the most challenge in your life.

Put them all in order from the belief having the greatest negative impact to the least.

It makes sense to spend your time where it’s going to do the most good.

Prioritizing your time is always a valuable strategy.

Now that you have a list of your limiting beliefs and have them in order, it’s time to start dealing with them.

7 key benefits of Career Transition Coaching

Career Coach

Career transition at senior level is difficult as there are only a few available opportunities and plenty of very tough competition. More and more senior managers and executives are using career coaches to gain competitive advantage. Many of the best business leaders engage executive coaches. Career coaching can help executives navigate career transition quickly and effectively. Engaging a career coach will substantially improve competitiveness, marketability and ultimately the success of your job search and long-term career.

If your strategy is to send out hundreds of  copies of your Curriculum Vitae and hope for the best, you will quickly discover that this doesn’t work and is a futile use of your time.  Even if you have the best LinkedIn profile, it is not a guarantee of success.

A good career coach will help you articulate your best attributes and highest skills for a prospective employer to notice. A career coach will help you  develop an effective job search strategy to identify the best target companies and secure your ideal position.

It can significantly reduce the time it takes to find your ideal position by helping you develop a comprehensive job search strategy. Many people including senior manager and executives  find it difficult to articulate the value they can bring to an organisation and as a result how to pitch themselves effectively feels awkward. Many are also unsure what exactly they are looking for in terms of both position and type of company and this can be a significant disadvantage. If your vision is not clear, then you cannot develop an effective strategy to achieve it.

Get help to create a Vision. Vision guides you! In simple terms, if you are going on a business trip or holiday, you would not arrive at the airport without knowing what your destination is. Your destination guides your choice of airline and ultimately which terminal to arrive at. Your career transition journey is no different. If you don’t know where you are going to how will you know when you get there?

A career coach can help you create an impactful Curriculum Vitae (CV) / Resume and LinkedIn profile. Many people forget that the purpose of a CV / Resume is to get the interview and not the job, and as such this document must be carefully constructed to articulate just enough information to create interest and impact and encourage an employer or recruiter to reach out. BUT…. not too much information! At Renata Career Coach we sometimes see CV’s / Resumes that lack impact, are poorly written and in many cases are simply a cut and paste of a job description with little attention given to achievements. Remember that the attention given to each CV / Resume by a recruiter or potential employer is very short so making an impact quickly is essential!

Develop your networking skills. Some experts say that 70% of people ended up in their current position thanks to networking. Others say it’s more like 80-85%. Which ever statistic you believe what is clear this is substantial and as such incorporating a comprehensive networking strategy into your job search strategy is one of the most important actions you can. Effective networking provides a focused way to talk to people about your job search and can help you obtain leads, referrals, advice, information, support and most importantly uncover hidden promotion job opportunities. A good career coach will help you review various opportunities, networking events, existing contacts, developing new contacts and how to prioritise those that could generate the best results.

Preparation for interview and the overall assessment and selection process. Most organisations now have comprehensive recruitment and selection processes consisting not only of competency-based interviews, but also psychometric assessments as well as situation-based presentations. Having someone help you prepare for this puts you at a distinct advantage versus your competition. In our career coaching practice, we help you identify and segment your achievements across your entire career and then help you articulate them in a structured and impactful format. This process alone greatly assists Executives in interview preparation therefore it can also help you. Remember …. 90% preparation = 10% perspiration. 10% preparation = 90% perspiration!

A good career coach will hold you accountable for the goals you have set, offer valuable advice and expertise, and help you acquire different perspectives. Inevitability, there will be setbacks throughout your job search journey and your coach will be there to pick you up and encourage you to keep focussed and face your next challenge with renewed confidence and enthusiasm.

On-boarding into your new position. Depending on the terms and duration of engagement, some career coaches provide on-boarding coaching. The first six months of any position can be critical for both the organisation and the new appointee. On the one hand the hiring organisation will need to see evidence of added value from you. On the other hand you  will need to feel that you have made the right career decision.

Various sources of research have shown that the average executive failure rate within the first 18 months is approximately 40%! A career coach can help with embedding and securing the success of the new relationship and provide a confidential environment to discuss goals, objectives and any potential issues that may arise.

In conclusion, you must remember that the role of a coach is to facilitate you to acquire different perspectives to get more out of work and life. The true value of the coaching process is gained from the work you put in between sessions.

At Renata Career Coaching we provide 1-2-1 coaching for people who are in career transition or planning to change jobs. We tailor a structured programme appropriate for the needs of each individual which results in a professional and effective job search campaign and improved confidence.

Our career coaching service can include:

  • Skills and competency assessment
  • Curriculum Vitae / Resume preparation
  • Development of a Comprehensive Achievements Profile Document
  • Development of a Job Search Marketing Plan
  • Effective networking
  • Engaging effectively with Executive Search Consultants
  • Interview training

For those people looking for an improved alternative to the traditional outplacement program, our Career Coaching programme provides unique and highly customised support on how to conduct a professional job search campaign. Ideal Careers Happen by Design let us at Renata Career Coaching help you find the ideal career that suits you

For a free no-obligation consultation please contact our office via email at renatafester@career-coach.co.za

Career Coach

promotion problems

5 Unexpected ways promotions make your life harder

promotion problemspromotion at work often brings status, power, and hopefully, a raise. However there are often unanticipated downsides to promotions, which we are seldom aware of until we are in the new position.

 

Here are 5 things that I did not expect to come with a job promotion.

We often think that a promotion will bring more money, success, and status, but there are drawbacks to almost every promotion.

Longer hours are pretty much inevitable. Issues that used to be someone else’s problem are now yours. Managing people can be tough.

I once received a promotion where I’d manage a new department at a small company. The change brought lots of interesting challenges and boosted my self-esteem, but there were some very hard moments, too.

 

Here are five ways that getting promoted made my life more difficult:

 

  1. I had to go to bat for myself

Before my promotion, I had a great manager. He protected me from the loose cannons in management, tooted my horn to the senior and executive management, supported me in my work, gave me opportunities, and generally had my back.

Now, he is my peer, and we could commiserate about the difficulty of being managers in the company, but he could no longer shield me. It was now up to me to stand up to the big shots and fight for my department.

 

  1. I was working more overtime

I was already working long hours with no overtime pay before I was promoted. Now the expectations for overtime seemed par for the course. When there was a problem, my weekend was blown and I was never off the clock. I needed to be there for the customer, at any time of the day, night, or weekend.

 

  1. I didn’t get to make my own decisions

I was now charged with managing people however I still did not get to decide exactly how my department was run. My decisions were sometimes overruled by upper management, and the fallout from those decisions ended up being my problem to sort  out.

When I anticipated problems and wanted to do things a different way, these were often management decision were often micromanaged, and I was still required to enforce upper management’s ideas and decision  while keeping “my” employees under control and performing well. This conflict can make middle-management positions stressful and exhausting.

 

  1. Co-workers undermined me

When I was promoted to middle management, some of my peers criticized me and got obstructive of projects. When trusted colleagues whisper in the bosses ear about you, it can be hard to get that negative impression out of the boss’s head. Suddenly, I needed to fight for my reputation.

 

  1. No one trained me for my new role

Some companies provide training to help workers transition into a new role, but many companies usually don’t. I didn’t always feel competent enough to manage things, never having managed a department before.

I had many good leadership qualities — creativity, passion, and honesty — that helped me “fake it,” but I didn’t really know what I was doing half the time in terms of organizing and managing. Some training or more support to negotiate new responsibilities would have certainly been hugely beneficial both to me and t the organisation.

Sometimes, a new job just doesn’t fit right, but you don’t always get to try on the new role before you take it. I was awesome at the job I had before the promotion, but I’d say I was mediocre at being a manager.

So consider the new position very carefully — if it doesn’t look like it will fit, consider passing up that promotion and waiting until the right position comes along. You may just be happier where you are!

Warning: 5 Unexpected Changes that come with a Promotion

 

Promotions come with several changes many employees don’t consider until they’re in their new role.

Every year when companies schedule their annual performance reviews, there are discussions about promotions. Promotions come with several changes many employees don’t consider until they’re in their new role. In my work with CEOs, one of the most common and disturbing trends in today’s workforce is the attitude of entitlement.

Employers and employees perpetuate an attitude of entitlement. Employers want to demonstrate their loyalty, and often one of the most common ways to do this is to promote an employee that has been with the company for a long time. While well-meaning, this often results in the activation of “The Peter Principle” in which companies promote employees to the highest levels of incompetence.

This ultimately leads to termination, and initiates a painfully slow unravelling of an employee’s confidence, engagement, and ability to perform.

Employees in turn perpetuate an attitude of entitlement, by getting themselves into a corner that has no escape, by telling themselves, “I deserve a promotion.” They allow their egos to drive their career advancement. They are often drawn to the idea of a higher-ranking title and a higher rung on the career ladder.

The Fallout of Unwarranted Promotions

Promotions come with significant changes that both employers and employees overlook until it’s too late, and staff have been moved around.

Two current clients are dealing with the fallout of promotions that should have never been granted and promises that should have never been made. We’re working diligently to:

  • minimize/contain further damage,
  • shift the culture from high entitlement/low accountability to low entitlement/high accountability, and
  • save a valuable, loyal, long-term employee with vital institutional knowledge from walking out the door.

Changes That Accompany Promotions

Promotions are not just about rewarding loyalty, and moving employees up a ladder. To set up everyone for success, employees must think about the following criteria prior to accepting a promotion position:

  • New job requirements

Do YOU (the employee) pass the “GWC Test?”

Do you Get it:  Do they truly understand their role, the culture, the processes and systems, the pace of the organization, and how all of these elements come together to form a well-oiled machine?

Do you Want it: Do they genuinely like their job? Do they believe in what they are doing? Are they excited about coming to work to see the progress that is occurring? Do they want to use their experience, talents, and ideas to further the organization?

Do you have the Capacity to do it? Capacity is a multi-pronged word. It applies to mental, physical, emotional, spiritual (in some cases), and intellectual capacity, as well as having the capacity of time to do a job well.

  • Integrating the demands of the new position into your personal life

    It’s likely that the new position will require additional travel either locally and or Internationally and very possibly longer hours. Employees must consider this carefully. They should also have these conversations with their “significant other” who may need to pick up the slack in their absence.

  • Giving up responsibilities you really enjoy

    Promotions often involve movement from a hands-on practitioner role to a management/supervisory role that takes employees out of the trenches where they are doing what they love. Leaving behind the work they love doing may sound glamorous initially however, not doing what you love doing permanently can be a source of significant stress and unhappiness.

  • Learning tasks and responsibilities you may not enjoy

    Conversely, you will likely have to become knowledgeable in areas you may not have naturally pursued. This is common when companies promote rock-star sales employees to a sales leadership position. They move from being in the field responsible for themselves, to being in a corner office responsible for others. Being a team leader may not have been something you would ordinarily have wanted to do however the promotion position requires that you manage a team. Now you have to learn how to do that.

  • Changing the dynamics of office friendships

    This is one of the most surprising and difficult challenges that accompany promotions.

    With any promotion comes a very real change in dynamics and relationships with colleagues. Where once you were able to sit and bemoan manager with your colleagues because you were one-of-team(us) and shared many of the same frustrations – that is now different. You are one of “them”. The guys you once believed didn’t “understand” or was “divorced from what was happening on the floor.” You may have developed good friendships along the way and now that you have moved up the ladder the line has to be drawn in the sand. As a member of the management team, you may well be privy to many sensitive and confidential conversations about your friends that you will not be able to share. Be sure you are  willing to establish the boundary and change the dynamics of your friendships? This is a question only the employee can answer for themselves.

Promoting Strategically and Effectively

Ambitious employees can do many things to set themselves up for successful promotions, including:

  • Leading or engaging in initiatives outside of their traditional roles
  • Being coach-able and open to feedback
  • Mentoring others
  • Delivering on what is expected of them and being known as someone reliable
  • Engaging in professional development and sharing this knowledge with others

Employers must think about career trajectories and organizational impact far in advance of  scheduled performance reviews. Consider why you are offering the promotion- Is it a loyalty decision? Is it a competency based decision – remember the higher up the ladder you go these less technical skill is needed and the more strategic skills ( e.g. soft skills- people skills, negotiation skills) are required.

Perhaps an employee is a good promotion candidate, but requires some coaching and training to step into the new role. This training is often not about how well the person can do the job – because lets face it; the reason the promotion discussion is even on the table is because the person has already proved their technical competence. So what else does the person need to be set up for success? These steps must be executed in advance of the promotion so that business proceeds with minimal disruption..

Unsuccessful promotions leave a trail of disappointment, broken trust, and failed executions. These can also be a costly exercise both financially and reputation-wise for the company.

When thoughtfully executed, however,  successful promotions yield tremendous benefits for everyone involved, empower the company to attract & retain great talent, and propel and promote continued growth.

How Does Career Coaching Work?

Career coaching sounds like a good idea, in theory. We’re familiar with the concept of coaching as most of us have had a sports coach at some point in our lives. Having a personal trainer or workout coach has become a popular trend for many as well. If you’ve ever had a coach, then you know the benefit of having someone there who knows something about your current fitness, your past experiences, your future goals and keeping you on track and focused to achieve those goals.

I don’t know many people who would attempt to get involved in a new sport without the benefit of someone to coach them. Someone who can help them to understand the rules of the game, gain some basic techniques, and understand winning strategies.

However, when it comes to our careers we tend to think or believe  that we can and should go it alone.

At first glance, it may seem that people are too proud, or too confident to ask for help. However, with a little deeper investigation, it’s clear that people don’t really understand what a career coach does, or how a career coach can help their unique situation.

To help clear up some of the confusion, and answer some of the most commonly asked questions, I have answered the top 8 questions for anyone looking for a new job or career transition of any sort.

Q: How exactly does career coaching work?

A. Seeking the advice of a career coach is one of the best ways to lift your job search efforts to the next level, and shorten the time you spend in transition. Whether you’re looking for a new job, or hoping to move up in your current position, career coaches can help you devise the best strategic plan and set actionable goals based on your unique situation, skills, expertise, and career goals.

Q: What can a career coach do that you can’t do on your own?

A: While many of us rely on friends and family to be our sounding board and provide those all important sanity checks these amazing people are not going always able to see us as a hiring manager would. Having an accurate image of yourself in terms of the job market is what a career coach offers you. Coaches are there to see you as hiring managers, recruiters, and your professional networks see you. They provide the advice and guidance you need to establish a professional image and strategy that will get you hired.

Q: How do I find a qualified career coach?

A. Decide what is important for you in terms of what a coach can provide for you. Like many industries there are those who are ‘qualified and certified’. While an alphabet ( CPCC, ACC/PCC/MCC/SHRM/HCRI) of certifications behind ones name is elaborate and impressive the choice should always be based on what you want to get out of a coaching process whether there is an alphabet soup or not. A credible coach is one whose expertise is tailored to your needs.

Ask your potential coach if he or she has experience coaching people through any of these scenarios that are applicable to you:

  • Major career moves
  • Career transitioning
  • Creative retirement
  • Redeployment within a company
  • Joining the gig economy
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Or a situation which you are facing in your career

In addition, look for a career coach that has the industry and functional knowledge that matches your career goals. If you’ve been laid off, or are at a company going through restructuring, you may not necessarily want to find another job in the same industry or in the same role. If you’re ready to transition into something different, be sure your coach has the experience necessary to help you make the change you’re seeking.

Q: Do you have any stories that demonstrate the effectiveness of coaching?

I have so many success stories to share, but here are two that stand out to me.

Carmen’s story: When Carmen started her engagement with one of career coaches she was traumatized and felt that she didn’t have any value. After speaking to her, the coach found out she had several high-revenue wins at her company that simply weren’t valued or acknowledged by management. She consistently made her company several million dollars over five years despite working in the contracts department, which is usually a cost-centre, not a revenue generator. Together, we worked to get her up to speed with her professional image, self-marketing documents, and interviewing skills. In addition to building her self-esteem Jane and her coach worked together for 3 months and she interviewed at six or seven places with multiple rounds, and then received an offer you simply could not refuse.

Christine’s story: When Christine started with her coach, she immediately let her coach know she had very severe environmental allergies and related health issues that literally affected her ability to leave home. She was violently allergic to specific plants and had to use a nebulizer four times a day, which added to her restrictions. In addition she had an immune deficiency which added to and complicated matters significantly. When she had her first call with her coach, she was very concerned and lacked the confidence that she would find an opportunity where she’d have the flexibility to work from home. To start, her coach helped her re-frame her perspective and focus not on her restrictive medical conditions, but on the value she brings an organization. Over the next four weeks, they worked together to create a target company list. Within one month, she was offered her dream job where she works exclusively from home!

My coach provided me the motivation and attitude change I really needed to  effectively search for a job that suited my  needs. She gave me the tools and shared insight and inside knowledge of how company recruiting works so I could modify my approach,” she said.

Q: What advice do you have for someone who has been offered career coaching as part of a severance package?

First, I would say – Accept the help you’re being offered. If your employer has enlisted the help of an outplacement provider who matches you with a career coach, you’ll get the time, support, and expert advice you need to make a successful transition to a new job faster. It’s a mistake to let your emotional reaction to your situation cloud your judgement and ignore this valuable service that is being paid for by your company.

Some organizations may provide you with a coach as part of a structured development and career growth plan. Taking advantage of the opportunity to use a career coach can help you identify growth opportunities and stay on track with a personalized professional growth plan. Your career coach can help you identify professional growth options, such as:

  • Further education
  • Skills development opportunities
  • Openings to expand responsibilities
  • Possible cross-functional duties and projects

Companies that are providing coaching for their employees during workforce transitions may also engage career coaches to provide support related to resiliency. If offered, use your career coach to help you develop the skills you need to process change – whether that change is by choice or by force.

Learning how to deal with change is a skill you can use in many aspects of your life. Companies who do provide coaching and resiliency training understand that when resiliency can be developed as a skill by individuals, the company will benefit.

During a time of transition, your coach can work with you to establish a personal transition plan, set short- and long-term goals for the transition, and identify the benefits and expected outcomes of the transition.

Q: What exactly does a career coach do?

A career coach is there to meet you where you are and move you to the next level in your career or job search. They can provide insightful answers to specific questions, help you address a specific challenge that you’ve identified, such as salary negotiation skills, or give you the advice and guidance you need to polish your job search skills and refine your approach to looking for a job.A qualified career coach will be able to help you boost your image and develop the strategies and skills you need to land a job that best fits your abilities and desires.

Specifically, look to a career coach to provide any of the following:

  • Winning job search strategies
  • Interviewing strategies and troubleshooting
  • Mock interview practice
  • Advice to improve your digital profile
  • Social media image development
  • Networking strategies and advice
  • Salary negotiation skills
  • Career identification
  • Develop a strong personal brand that communicates your value
  • Ascertain opportunities
  • Prioritize options
  • Bring clarity to your myriad of career questions
  • Create a career plan
  • Provide resources and tools to put your plan into action
  • Career goal setting

Everyone needs a coach. A great coach will help you think beyond the limitations you’ve set for yourself and be there to guide you and cheer you on. See yourself as your teammates, recruiters, and hiring mangers see you – through the eyes of a coach who will find the best in you and help you to show your best to others.

The core virtue of career coaching is to help people assess their professional situations with a greater degree of honesty, curiosity, empathy and compassion.

 

Here are the most common misconceptions about career coaching?

 

My top three?

  • That a well-done résumé is all you need to conduct an effective job search.
  • A career coaches will actually find you a job.
  • You only have to attend a single career-coaching session … and your job challenges will be resolved. It actually takes about eight to 10 hours of coaching for the typical client to begin internalizing the key benefits of coaching.

 

Realistic expectations for working with a career coach?

 

 

  • By and large, clients can reasonably expect to gain career confidence, insight, encouragement and inspiration.

  • They should also feel as if the coaching relationship grants them some permission to relax a bit. Job searching can create a fair amount of anxiety, fear and vulnerability in people, and I often work with clients to unwrap those emotions so they can better understand how these factors may be keeping them stuck in the careers they hate.

  • A career coach will hold you accountable to the goals you have set for yourself. You can expect to have a crystal clear, realistic and achievable plan of action to achieve those goals quickly and efficiently when you work with a career coach,