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How to build resilience and cope with stress

Resilience is not ignoring your situation

What is Resilience?

We all demonstrate resilience in some form or the other at some point in our life. This is a very ordinary and normal process we all go through when we need to rebuild our life.

Being resilient does not mean that we do not experience difficulty or distress, emotional  pain or sadness. Quite the opposite the road to resilience is often paved with considerable emotional distress.

Resilience involves the behaviours, thoughts and actions that we can learn and develop to navigate the emotional distress.

We have all dealt with the death  of a loved one, loss of a job, serious illness or some other traumatic event that has left an indelible mark on our life. These are all very challenging  life experiences and many people react to these circumstance with a flood of strong emotions and a sense of uncertainty. Eventually though they adapt well over  time to these life-changing situations and stressful conditions. What enable s them to do so? It is resilience –  the ongoing process that requires time and effort and taking a number of steps to enhance and build their resilience.

Here are Six Strategies that can help you Build resilience

Change the narrative

When something bad happens, we tend to relive the event over and over in our heads. We step onto this merry-go-round and we rehash the pain the event has caused. This process is called rumination; it is the proverbial cognitive spinning of the wheels, and it doesn’t move us forward toward healing and growth.

The practice of Expressive Writing can move us forward by helping us gain new insights into the challenges in our lives. It involves free writing continuously for 20 minutes about an issue exploring your deepest thoughts and feelings around it. The goal is to get something down on paper. You do not necessarily want to create a memoir-like masterpiece.

Research conducted back in a 1988 study found that participants who did Expressive Writing for four days were healthier six weeks later and happier up to three months later compared t those who did not write or those who wrote about superficial things. The act of writing allows us to slow down our thinking and forces us to confront ideas one by one and give them structure, which may lead to new perspectives.

 

By doing this we are actually crafting our own life narrative and gaining a sense of control. We are also able to find the Finding Silver Linings which requires us to list at least three positive things about the experience or the lessons we learnt through this process. This helps us to become more engaged in our life post the event and increases our optimism over time. This in turn reduces our depression levels suggesting that looking on the bright side is something we have to practice regularly.

 

BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE

 Face your fears

The practices above are helpful for past struggles, ones that we have gained enough distance from to be able to get some perspective pn. What about those knee-shaking fears that we are experiencing in the here and now?

The Overcoming a Fear practice is designed to help with everyday fears that get in the way of life, such as the fear of public speaking, heights, or flying. We can’t talk ourselves out of such fears; instead, we have to tackle the emotions directly.

The first step is to slowly, and repeatedly, expose yourself to the thing that scares you—in small doses.

For example, people with a fear of public speaking might try talking more in meetings, then perhaps giving a toast at a small wedding. Over time, you can incrementally increase the challenge until you’re ready to nail that big speech.

This kind of “exposure therapy” helps us change the associations we have with a particular stimulus. If we have flown 100 times and the plane has never crashed, for example, our brain (and body) start to learn that it’s safe. Though the fear may never be fully extinguished, we will likely have greater courage to confront it.

Practice self-compassion

Fears and adversity can make us feel alone; we wonder why we are the only ones feeling this way, and what exactly is wrong with us. In these situations, learning to practice self-compassion and recognizing that everyone suffers, can be a much gentler and more effective road to healing.

Self-compassion involves offering compassion to ourselves: confronting our own suffering with an attitude of warmth and kindness, without judgment. The Self-Compassion Break, is something you can do any time you start to feel overwhelmed by pain or stress. It has three steps, which correspond to the three aspects of self-compassion:

  • Be mindful: Without judgment or analysis, notice what you are feeling. Name it and acknowledge it.  Say, “This is a moment of suffering” or “This hurts” or “This is stress.
  • Remember that you are not alone: Everyone experiences these deep and painful human emotions, although the causes might be different. Say to yourself, “Suffering is a part of life” or “We have all felt this way at some point in our life” or “We all deal with some kind of struggle in our lives.”
  • Be kind to yourself: Put your hands on your heart and say something like “I give myself compassion” or “I accept myself as I am” or “I will be patient with myself during this time.”

If being kind to yourself is a challenge which it can sometimes be. Consider how you would respond if your best friend were going through what you are going through. How would you respond and support your best friend; what would you say or do for your bestie? Now go and do that for yourself.

Once we start to develop a kinder attitude toward ourselves, we can crystallize that gentle voice into a Self-Compassionate Letter. Just as yo would write words of understanding, acceptance, and compassion towards your best friend write those same words to yourself in a letter.

In the letter, you might remind yourself that everyone struggles, and that you are not alone; if possible, you could also consider constructive ways to improve in the future.

Meditate

As mindfulness gurus like to remind us, our most painful thoughts are usually about the past or the future: We regret and ruminate on things that went wrong, or we get anxious about things that will. When we pause and bring our attention to the present, we often find that things are…okay.

Practicing mindfulness brings us more and more into the present, and it offers techniques for dealing with negative emotions when they arise. That way, instead of getting carried away into fear, anger, or despair, we can work through them more deliberately.

Strong feelings tend to manifest physically, as tight chests or knotted stomachs, and relaxing the body is one way to begin dislodging them. There are thousands of meditations techniques and practices available.The Body Scan is one of the many you can use to focus on each body part in turn—head to toe—and can choose to let go of any areas of tension you discover. Being more aware of our bodies and the emotions we are feeling might also help us make healthier choices, trusting our gut when something feels wrong or avoiding commitments that will lead to exhaustion.

 

Cultivate forgiveness

If holding a grudge is holding you back, research suggests that cultivating forgiveness could be beneficial to your mental and physical health. If you feel ready to begin, it can be a powerful practice.

Both Nine Steps to Forgiveness and Eight Essentials When Forgiving offer a list of guidelines to follow. In both cases, you begin by clearly acknowledging what happened, including how it feels and how it’s affecting your life right now. Then, you make a commitment to forgive, which means letting go of resentment and ill will for your own sake; forgiveness doesn’t mean letting the offender off the hook or even reconciling with them. Ultimately, you can try to find a positive opportunity for growth in the experience: Perhaps it alerted you to something you need, which you may have to look for elsewhere, or perhaps you can now understand other people’s suffering better.

If you are having trouble forgiving, Letting Go of Anger through Compassion is a five-minute forgiveness exercise that could help you get unstuck. Here, you spend a few minutes generating feelings of compassion toward your offender; s/he, too, is a human being who makes mistakes; s/he, too, has room for growth and healing. Be mindful and aware of your thoughts and feelings during this process, and notice any areas of resistance. Research suggests that letting go and forgiveness rather than ruminating on negative feelings or repressing them cultivates compassion, more empathy, positive emotions, and feelings of control.

That is an outcome that victims of wrongdoing deserve, no matter how we feel about the offenders.

Develop mental agility

It is possible, without too much effort , to literally switch the neural networks with which we process the experience of stress in order to respond to rather than react to any difficult situation or person. This quality of mental agility hinges on the ability to mentally “decenter” stressors in order to effectively manage them. “Decentering” stress is not denying or suppressing the fact that we feel stressed, rather, it is the process of being able to pause, to observe the experience from a neutral standpoint, and then to try to solve the problem. When we are able to cognitively take a step back from our experience and label our thoughts and emotions, we are effectively pivoting attention from the narrative network in our brains to the more observational parts of our brains. Being mentally agile, and decentering stress when it occurs, enables the core resilience skill of “response flexibility,” which renowned psychologist Linda Graham describes as “the ability to pause, step back, reflect, shift perspectives, create options and choose wisely.” We often tell our children who are upset to “use your words,” for example, and it turns out that stopping and labeling emotions has the effect of activating the thinking center of our brains, rather than the emotional center a valuable skill in demanding, high-performance workplaces everywhere.

 

Bad Career Story

HOW TO BUILD SELF-WORTH

Bad Career Story
I am useless

What is Self-Esteem?

Any discussion about how to build our self-worth must start with a definition of self-esteem. The two are, of course, related. Your self-esteem is undoubtedly influenced by your self-worth. However, they are not the same.

Self-esteem is primarily built upon sources outside of yourself that you don’t actually control.

Self-esteem encapsulates the thoughts and feelings you experience at each moment. These thoughts and feelings have a direct impact on your results, your behaviour, and your performance.

Self-esteem is primarily built upon the value derived from doing the things that get your desired outcomes. But it’s more than just about “doing” something. It is a direct outcropping of how you feel about yourself at any given moment. This is based purely on your actions.

How you feel about yourself is heavily influenced by how you think you are fairing compared to others. In other words, your self-esteem is derived from what you think others “think” of you, based on your results and actions.

Given all this, it is quite clear that self-esteem is not something that comes from within ourselves, but rather something that comes from outside of ourselves and subsequently influences how we feel at any given moment.

How we feel at any given time has nothing to do with reality, but instead, it is purely based on our perspective and interpretation of that reality. Given all this, it’s quite clear to see that self-esteem is very fickle and can shift with changing opinions and circumstances. However, this isn’t true for people who have a high level of self-worth.

A high degree of self-worth naturally enhances our self-esteem, thereby providing us with the self-confidence needed to follow through with our chosen decisions and actions.

What is Self-Worth?

Self-worth is an internal state of being that comes from self-understanding, self-love, and self-acceptance.

It is a state that is somewhat timeless and unchanging because it is a direct measure of how you value and regard yourself in spite of what others may say or do. It is therefore, something that does not quickly or easily change when external factors or circumstances change. Self-worth is steady and unflinching, and therefore, holds power to radically transform your life for the better.

This is, all well and good, but what does it actually mean to have a high level of self-worth?

A high level of self-worth means having a favourable opinion or estimate of yourself. It means having unshakable faith in yourself and in your ability to follow through and get things done.

Having a high degree of self-worth means feeling worthy of good things. It means feeling deserving of happiness, health, wealthsuccess, and love — irrespective of the difficulties you face, the disappointments you experience, or of people’s opinions. It is unflinching.

To have a high level of self-worth means accepting yourself wholeheartedly at all times despite your flaws, weaknesses, and limitations. It is about recognizing the real value of who you are at this present moment.

To have a high level of self-worth means never allowing yourself to be defined by outside forces, including people’s opinions. It means never allowing outcomes to shake your confidence, faith or resolve.

All this essentially means that no matter what happens you are steadfast. Nothing outside of your “being” influences how you feel about yourself. Your influence alone is the only thing that matters.

You alone are the most significant factor in how you feel about yourself, about your life, and about your circumstances. And that is essentially where your personal power comes from.

How to Build Your Self-Worth

Having a high level of self-worth is no doubt of tremendous value. So, the question still remains, how do we go about building our self-worth? How do we create enough self-worth to empower our daily decisions and actions in a way that will help us achieve our desired outcomes?

What I would like to share with you is a five-step process for doing exactly that step-by-step.

This is not something that you can do just once and then forget about. It is something that you must consistently work on. That is the only way you will build anything of real value. Placing one single stone down on the ground doesn’t build a fortress. However, over time, as you lay down more stones on top of each other an impenetrable fortress begins to take shape. This takes time. Building a high level of self-worth will take time.

This is a long-term process that you need to work on consistently over time. The same as you would work out at a gym to get that ripped and toned body. Slow consistent daily work will get the fortress built and will grow more impenetrable and substantial until it becomes almost unbreakable. No matter what life throws at you, because you put in place a solid foundation that you consistently built over time, you will be able to withstand some of the toughest storms life has. That is the strength of the fortress. And that’s precisely where the power of your self-worth comes from as well.

With that in mind, let us jump into the five-step process to build your self-worth.

 

Step 1: The Self-Understanding Stage

Your first step involves getting to know yourself at a deeper and more profound level.

Imagine for a moment that you woke you one morning to find that absolutely everything you had was suddenly taken away. I mean literally everything including your possessions, careermoneyrelationshipsfriendships, accomplishments, and anything else that is physical and tangible. Ask yourself:

What if absolutely everything I have was suddenly taken away from me?

What if all I had left was just myself?

How would that make me feel?

What would I actually have that would be of value?

 

This is an interesting scenario. It is a scenario that many people probably never really take the time to imagine. It is interesting because how you feel about yourself after everything has been taken away is the measure of your self-worth.

If you have a high level of self-worth, then having everything taken away from you won’t change who you are as a person. Furthermore, it won’t shake your self-confidence because you do not measure your value by external circumstances. Instead, your value comes from within.

This is why it is absolutely critical to take the time to think long and hard about that question and answer it with genuine honesty.

 

What would I actually have left that would be of value?

The deeper you dig into this question, the more you will discover within yourself what you do actually value.

You must seriously take the time to ponder this question. The more time you take to consider the answer to this question, the more you will find,  that this is where self-worth is comes from. It comes from understanding that…

No matter what happens externally and no matter what is taken away from me, I am not affected internally.

And that is what matters most when you begin to build your self-worth.

So let us look deeper into your true value by posing another set of questions that will help unlock how you see yourself with no masks or inhibitions.

 

Ask yourself:

Who am I? I am… I am not…

How am I?

How am I in the world?

How do others see me?

How do others speak about me?

What key life moments define who I am today?

What brings me the most passion, fulfilment, and joy?

 

Who you are and how you see yourself are keys to understanding your true value. How others see you and how they speak about you, is also, important. This is not so much about them but rather about how you feel about yourself as a result of how others see or speak about you. That is another measure of your self-worth.

Then there are those key life moments that bring you the most joy, passion, and fulfilment. These are the things that help you unlock the value you bring to the world.

However, this is not about pretty little rose petals and rainbows. This process involves being genuinely real with yourself.

Given this, let’s be real for a moment and take a look at your weaknesses and struggles.

 

Ask yourself:

Where do I struggle most?

Where do I need to improve?

What fears often hold me back?

What habitual emotions hurt me?

What mistakes do I tend to make?

Where do I tend to consistently let myself down?

 

Let us get real and accept the fact that we are only human. And as a human being, we all have our weaknesses and face our own personal struggles. We must be real and honest with our assessment of ourselves.

Only then will you be able to build a high degree of self-worth over time. And only then will you get the depth of understanding you need about yourself to move forward through this process.

And since we are being honest, let’s take a look at your strengths.

 

Ask yourself:

What abilities do I have?

What am I really good at?

Your strengths are the things that help build your self-confidence. They are the things that allow you to move forward with greater self-assurance. However, true strengths are only strengths by your own measure.

If you are relying on other people to tell you whether or not you are good at something, then that is not a true strength that comes from a sense of personal power.

People could very well change their minds then abruptly your strength turns into an afterthought. However, this does not need to be the case if you truly believe in your own personal value. That is what counts, and that is what truly matters when it comes to building your self-worth.

 

Step 2: The Self-Acceptance Stage

At this stage you presumably understand how you see yourself within the world around you. You probably also have a pretty clear picture of your current level of self-worth.

There will naturally be good things, neutral things, and things that you might not be too proud to admit. However, to build genuine self-worth, we must be real and authentic with ourselves at all times. This requires wholeheartedly acknowledging your true nature including the good, the bad, and the ugly.

We are all human and therefore none of us are perfect. Yes, you have flaws, you’ve made mistakes and failed miserably time and again. However, this is you. This is the true you. It is who you are. Perfectly imperfect.

Forgive yourself for everything you have done or not done in the past and accept yourself unconditionally without judgment or excuses.

This is you. This is who you are. Accept that by acknowledging that…

I accept the good, the bad and the ugly.

I fully accept every part of myself including my flaws, fears, behaviours, and qualities I might not be too proud of.

This is how I am, and I am at peace with that.

Fully accepting yourself in spite of all your flaws, weaknesses, and limitations is absolutely critical for developing a high level of self-worth.

This is you. You are being vulnerable, authentic, and real. Embrace who you are fully and completely. Embrace the fact that you will no longer allow outside forces to define you. Only in this way will you finally let go of everything that has been holding you back all these years.

 

Step 3: The Self-Love Stage

Having fully accepted yourself, it is now time to acknowledge your true value. To do this, it is important to begin practicing a little self-love. Which basically means treating yourself with kindness, tolerance, generosity, and compassion.

Yes, you have flaws. Yes, you have so many limitations and weaknesses, but so does the rest of humanity. That is part of being human. It is time to let all that go and begin to practice being compassionate with yourself.

Compassion, of course, comes through self-love, which comes from self-acceptance, which stems from self-understanding. Ironically these are the steps we went through as we moved through this process.

One simple method to begin practicing self-love is to get into the habit of speaking to yourself and about yourself in a positive and supportive way.

I feel valued and special…

I love myself completely…

I am a worthy and capable person…

 

Talking to yourself in this way brings your focus and attention to the beauty hidden within you.

You are no longer looking at outside circumstances or people for approval or acknowledgment. You are instead searching for that approval within yourself. And that is one of the biggest steps you can take toward building your self-worth.

 

Step 4: The Recognition Stage

When you have an understanding  of yourself. When you have fully accepted yourself and when you reach a stage where you practice self-love and self-compassion, that is when people, events, and circumstances no longer define you. You instead begin to define yourself.

Given this, it is helpful to acknowledge and recognize that you no longer need to please other people. Other people have their own opinions, and they have their own life. You also have your own opinions and your own life. No matter what people do or say and irrespective of what happens outside of you, you alone control your own perspective and attitude.

You, hold the power to respond to events and circumstances of your life based on your internal sources, resources, and on your resourcefulness, which are all a reflection of your true value.

It is important to recognize your true value regardless of your earnings, career, possessions, social rank, relationship status, etc. Your true value is no longer measured by these things. It comes from an internal measure that you have set for yourself. That is where true personal power comes from.

 

Step 5: The Responsibility Stage

The final step in this process involves taking full responsibility for your life, for your circumstances, and for your problems. Now it is worth mentioning that I am not saying that you should be a martyr. What I am saying is to taking full responsibility for everything that happens to you  is about owning your contribution to where you are without giving away your personal power.

To take responsibility means to acknowledge that YOU have the personal power to change and influence the events and circumstances of YOUR life.

 

Concluding Thoughts

When you have a high level of self-worth, you are no longer relying on other people to make decisions for you. You alone hold yourself accountable, and you alone hold the power to make positive changes in your life.

There is no more complaining, blaming, judgment, or excuses.

You now hold the power…

Today is not a good day

  • Because you fully trust yourself and trust your ability to make decisions that put you in the driver’s seat of your life.
  • Furthermore, you are no longer are you swayed by the changing winds.
  • You are steady and self-assured.
  • You understand who you are, you accept yourself fully, love yourself unconditionally, and recognize that you are the captain of your ship.
  • Regardless of the circumstances happening around you and in spite of the rumours of mutiny, you are focused and able to stay the course.
  • You make adjustments on the fly, and you take charge of your ship.
  • You are not rattled or phased by external circumstances.
  • Yes, the outside world is a crazy mess, however, your inner world is as steady as can be; and that is what makes all the difference.

These are the things that keep you safe and it is all because you took the time to build your self-worth.

 

Did you gain value from this article? Is it important that you know and understand this topic? Leave a comment below I would love to hear from you.🙂

HOW TO STOP SELF-SABOTAGE YOUR OWN SUCCESS IN ITS TRACKS!

But I do nothing upon myself, and yet I am my own executioner. – John Donne

Are You Caught Up in a Repeating Cycle of Self-Sabotage?

Have you ever wanted something so badly… for so long… trying so damn hard… but time and again you ended up failing miserably?

Have you ever set goals and objectives that you just didn’t or couldn’t reach?

Have you ever wondered why you keep repeating the same patterns of behavior over and over again and keep getting precisely the same pitiful results?

All of us at one point or another go through these repeated cycles and phases. In fact, many of us go through our standard self-sabotage cycles like clockwork each day. As a result, we rarely live up to our full potential in any area of our lives.

What is more, is that we continuously regret the things we did not do then wonder why we keep getting stuck indulging in these limiting patterns of behaviour.

Given all this, you might be wondering whether there is an answer for getting unstuck? Is there an actual solution for avoiding these repetitive and limiting patterns of behavior?

And the answer to these questions is a resounding YES. There is a solution, but first, we must come to understand what self-sabotage is all about.

What Exactly is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage is any behavior, thought, emotion or action that holds you back from getting what you consciously want. It is the conflict that exists between conscious desires and unconscious wants that manifest in self-limiting patterns of behavior.

Self-sabotage prevents you from reaching your goals and plays the part of a safety mechanism that protects you against disappointment.

What this essentially means is that your brain is protecting you from getting hurt by doing what it thinks is best — which is to keep you within the confines of your comfort zone.

The Real Reason Why You Indulge in Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage tends to linger in our lives because of a lack of self-esteemself-worthself-confidence, and self-belief.

Moreover, we suffer from self-sabotage patterns because we have great difficulty managing our daily emotional experiencesWe tend to react to events, circumstances, and people in ways that hinder our progress and prevent us from reaching our goals and objectives.

Self-sabotage is also used as an effective method for coping with stressful situations or high expectations.

For example we sabotage ourselves when we are unable to reach the high bars of expectation that have been set for us. We feel incapable of reaching these expectations and thereby indulge in self-sabotaging behaviour as a means of coping with the situation.

No matter what our reasoning for self-sabotage, it is quite clear that if we do not do something about it, we will continue to live a life full of regrets and unfulfilled expectations.

The Manifestation of Self-Sabotage in Our Lives

Self-sabotage can come in many forms and often manifests in our lives in various ways.

Here is a list of typical methods we tend to use to sabotage our own success.

 

When it comes to our limiting thoughts, we must pay close attention to the excuses we tend to make that prevent us from moving forward. Here are some examples:

This won’t work…

I can’t do this…

I’m too busy right now…

I’m just not ready yet…

I’m just not good enough…

Here are 19 more excuses you’re making that might very well be keeping you stuck.

Each of the patterns listed above has its own set of consequences that manifest in a variety of ways in our lives. Some are very obvious, while others might be a little more difficult to identify.

The key for us here is to list down and pinpoint the thoughts, feelings, and actions that lead us down the path of self-sabotage.

Only then, through conscious self-awareness can we begin to put a stop to these patterns of behavior.

4-Steps for Eliminating Your Self-Sabotage Patterns

There is a simple yet very effective method we can use to eliminate self-sabotage patterns from our lives.

The process involves 4 steps. These 4 steps can help you take conscious control of the behaviours that are currently influencing your choices, decisions, and actions.

These steps include:

  1. Identifying Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior
  2. Recreating Your Self-Sabotage Patterns
  3. Identifying a Healthy Replacement Behavior
  4. Practicing the New Behavior Until a Habit is Formed

Let’s have a look at how each of these work

Step 1: Identify the Self-Sabotage Behavior

Your first objective is to Identify the Self-Sabotaging Behavior that is preventing you from moving forward.

To do this, we must become consciously aware of our daily choices, decisions, actions, and the resulting consequences. Use the list in the previous section to identify the various types of self-sabotaging behaviours you tend to indulge in.

Once your behaviours have been identified, it’s necessary to pinpoint specific triggers that may be causing these behaviours to manifest in your life. These triggers could include people, objects, specific times, events, locations, etc. Ask yourself:

What specifically triggers this behavior?

How exactly does this behavior manifest in my life?

Next, we must ask ourselves whether it’s possible to avoid these triggers altogether.

Simply removing these triggers from our lives we will be better prepared to take conscious control of our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

However, there is another factor that we must take into consideration. This factor is the limiting beliefs we have associated with each particular self-sabotaging pattern.

The key is to identify these limiting beliefs, then work on converting them into positive empowering beliefs.

One of the simplest ways to do this is to question the validity of your belief. Take just two minutes and ask yourself:

What is it that I believe in this situation?

What is it that I believe about myself and my own abilities?

How did my belief about this, trigger my self-sabotage pattern?

How is this belief ridiculous and/or  impractical?

What would others say about this belief?

What is another more helpful perspective I could take of this situation?

These questions are a good starting point. Use these to help you weaken the beliefs that govern your self-sabotaging behavior.

Step 2: Recreate Your Self-Sabotage Pattern

Having worked through the previous step, you should now be able to consciously recreate the self-sabotage patterns by outlining all the triggers and the associated behaviours that manifest as a result of these triggers.

It’s important that you are very clear about how this behaviour manifests in your life before moving onto the next step.

Ask yourself:

How exactly does this self-sabotaging behaviour tend to manifest in my life?

What typically triggers this behaviour and how?

What patterns am I seeing that could help me to better understand this behaviour at a deeper level?

Once you have a good understanding of the patterns surrounding this behavior, you can move on to the next step.

Step 3: Identify a Healthy Replacement Behaviour

To eliminate an old pattern of behaviour, we must first replace it with a new pattern that is more practical and helpful.

This is fundamental…why … because at times it is difficult to avoid certain triggers such as people, objects or circumstances that cause us to react in unresourceful ways.

We must take time to develop a more resourceful and appropriate way of responding.

Ask yourself:

How could I respond in a more appropriate, resourceful, and practical way that would help me get what I want in this situation?

How and why is this a better way to respond in this situation?

What are some reasons for making this change?

What are the long-term benefits of changing how I respond in this situation?

What are the key advantages of this new behavior?

Remember that change will not happen if there is a lack of motivation behind that change.

If you cannot find reliable enough reasons to make a change, then you simply won’t have the necessary desire or drive to follow through with the change.

Step 4: Practice the New Behavior Until a Habit is Formed

Once you have identified your new behavior, you must now take the time to practice implementing it as often as possible until a new habit is established.

To do this, begin by going through your response (your healthy replacement behavior) to the situation in your imagination. See every detail in large pictures with lots of colour or music or anything else that is fun for you. Feel the positive energy churning through your body as you continue to enlarge the details of your new habit. Do this a few times daily and each time add more colour, more fun to your picture in your head and very soon you will overcome the old self-sabotaging pattern.

Now that your imagination has been activated, you are ready to put yourself in real-world situations that will naturally trigger your old patterns of behaviour. This time though, you are primed with a new response mechanism that you will continue to practice over the next four weeks until a new empowering habit is formed.

 

10 Practical Ideas for Eliminating Self-Sabotage

To eliminate our self-sabotage patterns, we must make a concerted effort to stay conscious and aware of our behaviours and actions at all times.

At the same time, it’s helpful to put into action a variety of strategies and tactics that can help to eradicate these behaviours once and for all.

Here are 10 suggestions for you to experiment with.

Consistently Learn from Mistakes

Take time at the end of the day to reflect on how you responded to events and circumstances.  Learn from these mistakes and experiences by writing down how you will respond differently tomorrow and in the future.

The more you reflect and learn, the better prepared you will be to face these scenarios in the future.

Think Bigger and Bolder

Sometimes we get so caught up in our own destructive patterns of behavior that we lose sight of what’s most important. When we have a narrow  focus, we fail to see the bigger picture.

Given this, it can, therefore, be helpful to take the time to think bigger and bolder. This can help you to expand your understanding and perspective of the situation.

Ask Better Questions

Questions are the keys to the locks that hold our problems in place.

Asking better and more effective questions, we naturally gain a different perspective on our situation. This can help us to become more consciously aware of the self-sabotage patterns that are ruling our lives.

Ask yourself:

What have I learned from this experience?

What would I do differently given another opportunity?

What could the potential benefits be?

How will changing my response allow me to get what I want faster?

The questions you ask will help expand your choices and options moving forward. Giving yourself more choices and options you will be in a better position to work through your self-sabotaging behaviours in optimal ways.

Treat the Process of Change as an Experiment

Just like we did not master the process of walking in one day, changing old habits will also not happen in one day. However, it does happen over time.

When you took your first steps, you must have stumbled more than once. However, you got back up and continued to struggle until you eventually mastered the mechanics of walking. It was one of your little life experiments that I imagine you succeeded at over time. 🙂

The process of change is precisely the same. Treat it as an experiment that will take some time and effort.

You will probably not be victorious after the first or even second attempt. However, over time you will get better at it  as long as you persist. Eventually you will win the war over your self-sabotage patterns.

 

Seek Advice from Other People

It’s important to always ask for help .Seek advice from people who have had practical experience dealing with what you are currently struggling with. Trust me, you are not the only one who is /or has gone through this. They know from personal experience the struggles you are likely to face along the way. They will, therefore, be more than happy to  give you practical advice and suggestions that have helped them; to try. You never know if one of those pearls of wisdom will allow you to move beyond your self-sabotage patterns.

 

Make Sure to Plan in Advance

We often struggle through life when we do not know what to expect, or have little to-no-idea how circumstances will unfold.

However, when we begin to lay down solid plans for how we will respond to situations, people, and circumstances, we begin taking control of our lives.

While laying out these plans; take a moment to consider possible challenges and obstacles that you might face along the way. Acknowledge that  obstacles may exist, then consider how you will respond if or when these occur. Even if you don’t deal with these effectively at the time, you will at the very least learn from your experience. This will allow you to adjust your approach the next time around.

 

Focus on Exploring Solutions

Sometimes we get so caught up in our own inadequacies and limitations that all we see are problems and setbacks. This particular way of looking at life only leads to further challenges.

Instead, take time to consider possible solutions to the problems you are dealing with. This begins by asking more effective questions that focus your brain on finding answers, insights, and ideas, not problems.

 

Adjust Your Expectations

Our expectations can sometimes lift us up to new heights, or they can demoralize us emotionally. This is why it is so important to always keep our expectations in-check. Managing expectations ensure that we are not aiming too high too quickly and allow us to avoid  disappointment.

 

Set your expectations high, however, give yourself permission to be flexible to make changes should  your circumstances, conditions, and resources change.

Remind yourself that you didn’t master the process of walking in one day. You instead mastered it over time. The same is true when it comes to mastering your own behaviour patterns.

 

Take Intelligent Risks

More often than not, those who take more risks have fewer regrets than those who play it safe and struggle with uncertainty. The same is true when it comes to transforming your behaviour.

You need to take risks, you need to take a chance on yourself, and you need to snap out of old unresourceful limiting patterns of behaviour that no longer serve you.

 

The best time to start making changes was yesterday. The second best time is Right Now.

The only person can make the change is YOU.

 

Take Time for Self-Reflection

The people who get ahead in life are the ones who actually take the time to consistently think through their daily choices, decisions, and actions.

Successful people learn from what worked or failed to work. They adjust their course of action by taking a different approach.

Only through self-reflection will you gain the necessary insight, perspective, and understanding to begin the process of change and transformation.

 

Concluding Thoughts

Self-sabotage is like a grenade that suddenly and unexpectedly explodes; pushing us away from our deepest wants and desires. However, there are no excuses, because we are the ones who consciously control the movement of the pin.

It is therefore, up to us to make the decision that we will no longer fall prey to our self-sabotaging patterns of behavior ever again.

 

The choice is yours. It’s in your hands. You now know what to do and how to do it. The real question is when will you get started? When will you finally commit to putting an end to the self-sabotaging behavior that is preventing you from living the life you truly desire to live? Are your goals  worth making the change? Are you worth making the change? 🙂

 

What have you done to change your limiting beliefs? Leave a comment – I would love to hear from you.